


Protecting The Pack

by Evalangui



Series: The Fate of the Pack [4]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anxiety Disorder, BDSM, Light BDSM, M/M, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-11-17 10:26:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 41,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11273580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evalangui/pseuds/Evalangui
Summary: Alec is a rational person, a scientist. He knows there's some things you can't change. He can't be more outgoing, he can't stop worrying about what other people will think of him, and he can't stop being gay.But he's smart, smart enough to know he could be worse off. Even though his parents expect him to marry a woman, at least he's a beta and that means he can finish his degree before they start asking him questions he can't answer.He loves his degree and his family, even if he doesn't know how to talk to them. It's enough: he takes it easy, studies hard, and doesn't get in trouble.And then he meets an alpha wolf in a club and they hit it off. Gabriel is everything Alec isn't: powerful, confident, dominant, free. The last thing he expects is for Gabriel to come back for more after they spend a full moon together, and when he does, he can't bring himself to say no. Even if it would be sensible, even if it would be smart.With each kiss he falls deeper, with each embrace he needs more... Even though he knows a beta will never be allowed to keep an alpha for long.





	1. The Recent Past

**Author's Note:**

> This is Alec's story. And Gabriel's too, really. 
> 
> I would LOVE feedback on the blurb since I'm actually publishing this professionally as well (thus it being locked here)
> 
> It picks up from the end of "Alpha" but I guess technically you can read it if you know Alec and Gabriel are both alphas in a pack together and have a past history but haven't really interacted in a while? Not sure, give it a shot if you want and let me know! :p

Alec had heard him approach, of course. He’d even known it was Gabriel, embarrassingly enough, he could tell his self-assured steps away from those of everybody else in the pack. But Gabriel never came to his room, so that didn’t stop him from being nervous at this unexpected visit.

Gabriel knocked. Alec invited him to come in. He only glanced up at him for barely a second before looking back at his laptop: he’d been reviewing the data he’d collected about the pups and wondering if he could get anybody in the old pack to let him weigh and measure their children regularly. Most werewolves figured medicine was a human science and there was no point in involving themselves when the few bits they could use—setting broken bones, staunching profuse bleeding—translated well-enough if one adjusted for the reduced healing time. But Alec wasn't going to leave his kids' health to what pretty much amounted to hearsay passed on from the time shifters lived in caves. Of course, part and parcel of being Alec was that he didn't really have anybody to ask, so it was more wishful thinking than anything close to productive.

“Hey,” Gabriel greeted in low voice. Alec could barely make out the text in front of him now, much less read it. Gabriel was a big man, but he still took up way more space than he should have as far as physics were concerned.  He was slouching against the doorway, not really coming in or closing the door despite the fact that Alec had said it was okay.

He wished he could be annoyed, but Gabriel was simply being kind: he could tell he still affected Alec’s composure and he didn't want to trap him in an enclosed space. He'd have almost preferred being afraid to embarrassed, but Gabriel couldn't be expected to go as far as reading his mind.

“Hey,” he replied, minimizing and then expanding the same window. “What's up?

Gabriel laughed, and Alec looked up. He couldn't help it, that sound... “Sorry, your attempts at street language are a bit much, Alec.”

Alec shivered, both at the sound of his name from Gabriel’s mouth and at the demonstration of how well the other still knew him. He shrugged, looked back at the computer. Gabriel hadn't really tried to speak to him since he'd invited Alec to join the new pack forming around his omega cousin.  Alec couldn't honestly said he'd been okay with that, but at least he'd known how to deal with the silence.

“I actually have a real question,” Gabriel said then, all amusement leaving his voice. Alec pulled his hand away from the mouse, but didn’t look at him. He needed to listen to Gabriel and looking at Gabriel had never helped him with that. “What the hell happened during the full moon?”

He stiffened. He'd been dreading that question or something like it. All his life, he'd made sure to be as prepared as possible, prided himself to his ability to recall facts, and now—when it really mattered—the admission was almost physically painful. “I don’t know.” 

He’d never really known anything, not even when he’d promised them Ray wouldn’t conceive while he was breastfeeding. He’d guessed, and he’d guessed mostly right and now they expected him to have the answers. But it wasn’t like Alec could go around asking omega males about the intimate details of their sex lives. An omega would have been allowed to, and a beta might have got away with it… But not an alpha. Even though Ray was his mate and protecting him was Alec’s priority, he had to make do with conjectures and second-hand anecdotes.

Gabriel huffed. “Ok, guess then. That was good enough before.”

Alec turned to him, mostly because he needed Gabriel to see how serious he was. The chair's wheels stuck against the untreated wooden floor, shrieking in protest, but he gritted his teeth and concentrated. “I think... that the wolves know he… he was hurt. So they are protecting him, they want him to be safe and being pregnant isn’t safe.”

Gabriel's brow was furrowing, it was enough to tell he was confused and it saved Alec from having to meet his eyes. “But don’t they always want that? They still needed to mate him all those times, even after he was pregnant.”

“Yes, I…” He glanced up long enough to make eye contact, then explained, “I’m making this up. He should have gone into heat already, even if he’s breastfeeding again. But he hasn’t, and I don’t… I don’t need him. I haven’t needed him since…” He stopped. He didn’t want to say the word, especially not to Gabriel, who hadn’t been able to say more to them than that Nicholas had assaulted Ray and Ray had killed him for it. Alec didn't know how far it'd gone and he couldn't put Ray through the pain of telling him the details. He didn’t even want to think about it, of his mate… It was just too much, after everything Ray had gone through. It made him feel sick with helplessness, and angry too, but mostly at himself. He didn't think that's how an alpha should feel. He felt certain that wasn't how Gabriel felt. He didn't need to ask to know that if Ray hadn't got there first, Gabriel would have taken care of Nicholas at once—no questions asked. Alec wondered if his wolf could have found the strength to lend him to do the same, or if all his love was good for was measuring and quantifying. And bloody useless guesses.

“So we got lucky,” Gabriel concluded. Alec tensed and he backtracked at once. “Fuck, sorry, I meant with the lack of heat and… That we can leave him alone. That’s just luck, you don’t have an explanation.”

Alec shook his head.

Gabriel rubbed at his thighs, a tiny crack on his calm façade. He clearly didn’t like not knowing what was going on any more than Alec did—you couldn’t control what you didn’t understand and if they had one thing in common, it was the need to stay in control. “So… is there something we can do?”

It was a question, but it was also a plea. Gabriel couldn’t stand to wait, he was a man of action. He fixed things when they broke, as soon as they broke, really. But Alec couldn’t tell him how to fix this. He shrugged again, refusing to meet the other alpha’s eyes. He knew he was failing him. Failing Ray. Failing the pack. Sometimes it seemed it was all Alec could do: fail. “Would it help to have sex with someone else?” Gabriel added.

At that, Alec was startled enough to look him in the face. Gabriel's eyes were a gorgeous blue and he looked like a Hollywood star, just like always. If he wanted to have sex, he was not going to be short of offers.

Alec swallowed, shrugging. “I guess it’s got to help some. The wolves shouldn’t care, but it’d make… it’d make the human need be less?” he offered.

“Well, Iesu and Sergi certainly seem to enjoy it,” Gabriel commented. Alec couldn't tell what he felt about it, was that grudging acceptance? Jealousy? Interest?

They both knew the other two alphas were sleeping together, of course, but Alec had never brought it up in conversation. It didn’t seem polite. It was certainly none of his business. It was unusual, as far as he knew, but then again, nobody had bothered to document that the werewolf mutation didn't cure all ills when it came to the mind, had they?

Just like it was none of his business if Gabriel wanted to blow off  some steam with someone else. He couldn’t imagine Ray would mind. It'd probably be a human. Gabriel had said he preferred fu… sleeping with other shifters because it didn’t require holding back so much, but it’d be hard for him to find a man like that in a bar and it wasn’t like he could approach someone in their old pack, or even another. Not when he was mated.

If Gabriel wanted to fuck, he was expected to ask his omega to bend over. Never mind that Ray had five mates, or what had happened to him. Physically, he would be able to take it; so why not ask it of him? Never mind that Gabriel felt so guilty about going after Ray when he’d been taken and leaving the pups behind that he could only seem to stay in the same room as him when Ray had just woken from a nightmare, shaky and so needy it was hard for Alec to walk to the kitchen for a glass of water without stopping to check on him

“Can’t hurt,” he offered, idly running his fingertips along the edges of the desk. It was a good desk, solid and expensive—he’d had it at his parents’ house for as long as he could remember. It might have even been a family heirloom of sorts, but his parents had said he could take it anyway when he'd told them he had taken a mate and they would be starting a new pack. It still twisted him inside to remember their open, undisguised happiness that he was doing what an alpha was supposed to... but he liked having something familiar in his new space.

Gabriel was still standing there, silent and… was he waiting for something? Alec couldn’t guess, especially without looking. But he couldn’t look. It was stupid because he was already agitated, but he thought if Gabriel saw his expression, he’d be able to tell how upset he was. And that much would have been normal when speaking about what had happened to their mate, but something in Alec’s brain insisted Gabriel would know it wasn’t Ray’s pain that had Alec’s heart battering against his ribcage. Or even Gabriel’s frustration. It was the idea of Gabriel going back to the club where they’d met and picking up someone new. Of Gabriel’s hands firm on masculine hips, and his stubble rasping against the soft skin of someone else’s throat.

It was absurd. The memory alone should have filled him with shame. But for once, it wasn’t the past that haunted him, but the future.


	2. The Distant Past

Alec had been too busy with university to hit the clubs all that often, but it was almost full moon and he'd needed to get out of his flat. Away from his books, and his laptop, and his bloody oblivious flatmates walking around shirtless—and sometimes a lot more than that, if they’d run out of clean clothes.

It seemed so unfair that he had to deal with his body on top of everything else. It’d never bothered him much growing up; he’d always been small for his age, but that had only been a problem in his _mind_. And the minds of everyone else in his pack, of course: he had a perfect werewolf immune system, the speed and agility… but with his size and personality, he'd got teased a lot. It never got to the point where it could be called bullying, although Alec thought that was mostly because at school all the wolves had each other's backs. It didn't matter which kind of wolf Alec would grow up to be, next to a human, he was pack and pack always came first.

And at home, he'd made it as easy for them to leave him alone. He'd hung out with the other pack children only until he'd started secondary school, and then he'd clung to homework as a reason to stay home and away from them. His mum had still made him go to family meetings and the occasional dinner with friends—hers and his dad's—and she liked to pretend he had his own relationships with their children. But it wasn't too bad.

He was lonely, but it was better than being afraid of running his mouth all the time. If he was alone, he didn't have to wonder whether he should say things or not, or whether his silence was disturbing in itself. Or whether other boys could tell his eyes wandered towards them instead of their sisters when they all went to the lake.

His parents were both sociable, likeable people and they kept asking Alec to watch movies with them, or share what he'd learned in school—even if all Alec managed was a few disconnected phrases. Not that he was uncomfortable around them, it was more like he was uncomfortable being himself. He admired his father's easy confidence and his mother effortless charm, and both seemed so completely out of his reach that his poor attempts to imitate them were torture.

Alec did not do well with failure. He was clever, but it was that more than anything else that ensured his academic success. If you couldn't bear to fail, you did not skip on that extra revision session. After a while, it was easy—he developed his own systems and shortcuts, and his brain was used to the exercise. He couldn't really stop studying—the fear of failure was too intense—but he allowed himself to read more in-depth books about the topic instead of compulsively re-reading his notes and textbooks. He loved it, he really did. But more than that: he needed it. He needed to know there was something in the world he could control, something at which he could always succeed.

His parents never talked about it, but Alec was too smart not to know that they had no hopes he'd be an alpha. He wasn't sure if they preferred beta or omega. Not that omega was likely. Alec was okay with remaining a beta, if he was a beta, he wouldn't be forced to get a mate. A woman. He wouldn't be forced to mate a woman. He would have liked a man, of course, but he could barely bring himself to talk to people his age at dinner when his parents dragged him over to their friends—dating was a mirage.

And if he was an omega... Well, that would explain why he liked boys. It would make it okay, male omegas were mated to male alphas, after all. Nobody said it was okay, of course. Werewolves as a whole followed human culture all too gladly—including their media and art, and despite the fact that so many of the things human revered were completely against the survival of wolf packs. The way they used the land alone… At least liking boys had got easier over time, but it’d never got to be _easy_. And all boys were expected to want to be alphas, even if they had no chance in hell of ever becoming one, and as alphas, to want to procreate above all things. If the occasion arose, exceptions were made for omega males on both the parts of the alphas and the omega.

But omega males were too rare to do much more than blip the radar… After taking a couple of statistics courses and finding out the numbers of omegas in some other packs, Alec had decided the chances of him being an omega were low, as in less likely than winning the lottery. But he could be a beta. And he could be gay. Some betas could have kids, and some couldn't. As long as they were helping the pack, nobody much minded if they were single.

And at uni, in a city full of humans who didn't even know Alec was too short and too slight for a grown wolf, it was almost like being normal. Just human, no wolf in sight. Alphas and omegas had trouble controlling their instincts, but other than the need to run and hunt during the full moon, betas weren’t really affected.

In the human world, Alec had to admit he had it pretty great: nobody had the strength to beat him up if he propositioned the wrong person in a club, and even though he spent more time in the library than anywhere else, he still had the kind of body they put on ads. He hated dancing with a passion, of course, even though he rationally knew nobody would laugh at him if he fumbled the steps. In gay clubs, there _weren’t_ even steps beyond grinding. But he didn’t need to dance, just put on tight clothes, get a drink and lean against a handy surface until someone caught his eye, or came over. It’d have been an utter failure to pick up girls, but it worked wonder on guys because it made it clear that he was both available and willing to hook up without too much fuss.

Most of the time, they didn’t even need to talk. It was enough with hands and mouths and moans. He didn’t bring them back to his place—not because of his flatmates, but because his sense of smell meant he’d have smelt them all over his room for weeks—but there was a lot you could do in a toilet stall, or the corner of a darkened room. He didn’t go back to theirs that often either, he didn’t want to have to navigate the small talk during the trip. He had fun, and he was dealing fine with his instincts, really, except when it got close to the moon like this and it wasn't _enough_.

He thought about going running in the park instead, give his wolf free reign. But the full moon was in two days and he didn't trust his wolf. He didn't really trust himself either, not around a vulnerable human body, but if he kept it quick...

Alec walked into a club he knew pretty well and discovered between seconds that it was completely changed. Nobody else would notice, of course, but the scent of a wolf hung heavy and thick over the whole place. An alpha, which maybe explained why he'd felt the need to walk the perimeter of the room. Alec stood there, too stunned by the way his two lives had collided to do much, until a heavy hand had closed on his upper arm. He'd turned his head at once and met blue eyes like ice. The club was loud and busy enough he hadn't heard anyone approaching.

The alpha was still in the room, and he wasn't happy to see him.

"Come with me," he'd said, and it felt like a compulsion. Alec had followed him out in a daze.

It didn't occur to him that it could be dangerous to go somewhere alone with _this_ stranger until they were outside and he saw the man's face. His eyes were even bluer under the nightlights and his blond hair shone actual gold in parts.

"Oh, it's you." He regretted the words as soon as he saw the confusion in alpha's face.

"Do we know each other?"

Alec shrugged and the alpha let go of his arm. It shouldn’t have been a relief, it wasn’t like he couldn't tell how fast Alec's heart was going anyway. Or like Alec could overrun an alpha so much bigger than him. "Not really, but I've seen you around Havant territory."

"You are pack," the alpha said, sounding shocked. Then he inhaled, frowning when he got a whiff of Alec's scent. "How long since you haven't been back?"

Alec shrugged. "I'm studying medicine, it gets crazy."

And then the hand returned, this time to the bare skin of his wrist. He jerked with both the feeling of skin on skin and surprise. The alpha was burning up, and when Alec met his eyes, he smiled. "Moon crazy, I think you mean. You're like a furnace."

Alec stared. "I'm sorry if—"

"Oh, don't," the stranger said, pulling him a step closer with easy strength. He'd been close before, now his shoes were touching Alec's. He shivered. "What's your name?"

"Alec."

"Gabriel Gosden" The alpha's smile was sharp. Gosden, like the pack's First Alpha. Alec had recognised his face—he was antisocial, not blind—but he hadn't known he was talking to a member of his own Pack’s inner circle.

"Oh, like..."

"My uncle," Gabriel said, then glanced down to where his thumb was rubbing circles against the inside of Alec's wrist. Alec's whole body felt overheat and overstimulated—like he'd been under the alpha's hands for hours, not minutes.

He'd thought the alpha was angry at him for walking into a club he considered his. But Gabriel hadn't walked the perimeter for fun or paranoia, he'd caught _Alec's_ scent and wanted to replace it with his own. Maybe he hadn't been able to tell Alec was only a beta—not if he'd missed that they were from the same pack.

And now that he'd found out... Gabriel was an alpha in a human gay bar, close to the full moon. If it was dangerous for Alec to be there; for an alpha... "Do you want to run?" he asked in his steadiest voice. His body didn't betray him. Not beyond the flush he could feel on his cheeks anyway.

Gabriel's lips parted and it was all Alec could do to keep himself from flinching at the incredulity on his face. But he did lower his gaze, trying to save himself some of the humiliation, and Gabriel used the distraction to yank him even closer. And then he was sliding his other hand up Alec's neck, tangling his fingers in his hair, and forcing his face up into a kiss.

Gabriel's mouth was as hot as the rest of him, and he didn't go easy on him—like Alec had to do with humans. He just pushed his tongue into Alec's mouth until Alec opened up and started sucking on it. He tasted good, like beer and something sweeter, and his leather jacket was soft under Alec's hands, even if he was afraid of ripping it with his claws. He bit on Alec's lips—only soft enough not to draw blood—and pushed their torsos together. His cock hard pressed against Alec's belly and his bent knee against his erection.

He was aware of what was happening, but it was like he couldn't make himself _believe_ it.

Because he'd thought about it. He'd wanted another wolf under him, and it had always seemed so completely impossible... He shoved Gabriel hard against a wall, just because he could. Because it wouldn't hurt him, because it would be _real_. Gabriel's back thudded against the side of the alley like he was made of rock himself and he let out a low growl in his throat. Alec's heartbeat spiked in alarm. Of course a beta couldn't push an _alpha_. But he didn't have time to get really afraid, because all the other man did was dig his claws into Alec's clothes and reverse their positions, slamming him against the wall instead. It hurt a little, but it rattled Alec even more because being pinned like that sent a rush of arousal through him like fire spreading down a dry forest in summer. He whimpered, confused and so hard it was painful.

"Watch it," Gabriel warned, but it wasn't that upsetting when he went right back to kissing Alec. The anger in how he forced Alec's mouth to open for him was making his dick throb too much for his brain to mind. If he'd been really offended, he wouldn't have stayed, after all. "God, I needed this," he mumbled as he nibbled at Alec's throat.

Nobody was supposed to touch him there at all and Gabriel hadn't even _asked,_ but Alec let his head roll to the side to give him room. Almost as if to reward him, Gabriel's hand sneaked down their bodies and undid their zippers. They groaned together in relief, and Gabriel snorted, like he thought it was too much like porn. But Alec didn't care, not when Gabriel's hand pushed into his underwear—big and powerful and clenching tight against his dick—and pulled him out. He whimpered and tried to help, but Gabriel elbowed his hand away. "Just stay," he said. And Alec did.

It was good he did too, thirty seconds later Gabriel had pushed their cocks against each other and was jerking them off, slow because there wasn't enough lubrication and it almost hurt. But also _so good_ , so absolutely _real._ Nothing like doing it to himself, and not even like doing it with a human. They were always so fucking careful with his junk—maybe because they couldn't have taken the kind of heat, the kind of pressure, the kind of... They couldn't have taken what Alec wanted. What he needed.

But he didn't need to tell Gabriel he wouldn't break. Gabriel just _knew_. He keened high in his throat, unable to help himself, and clutched at Gabriel's thick arms as the alpha kept jerking them off, their hips so close together they were probably going to come all over each other's clothes.

And then Gabriel yanked Alec's hand between their bodies and made him cup it around the tips. "Now," he growled, and it was like he had a direct line to Alec's cock because that was all it took to get him to come, erupting like a volcano, muscles locking against the wave of pleasure. Gabriel tightened his grip on both of them, spreading Alec's come over both their cocks and groaning and the added slickness until Alec was about to beg him to stop. And then he buried his face into Alec's neck and started coming himself, almost shaking apart in Alec's arms.

They stood there, panting, as their skin cooled and their heartbeats slowed. If he hadn't been caged against the wall by Gabriel's body, Alec would have probably tried to shuffle away, or at least clean himself; but he couldn't quite bring himself to push the man away for practical matters. He'd never had sex like that before, even if he'd only been a shared handjob, and it was dawning on him that he wasn't likely to get another chance.

Finally, Gabriel straightened. Alec glanced down between them to assess the state of their clothes and discovered that Gabriel was still holding his hand cupped around their cockheads. It was like his body had been too overwhelmed to register the stickiness but he'd caught a fair amount of both their come. The rest Gabriel must have aimed to the side; there was a mess at their feet.

"Huh, are you sure you are a beta?" The alpha had teased him. Alphas were supposed to produce considerably more ejaculate, but it hadn't occurred to Alec that Gabriel may have had a point despite all the evidence. Looking back, he wasn't sure if it was that people had got it into his head that he couldn't be an alpha, or that he just had never wanted it to be true.

Alec had grimaced and shaken his hand to the side, then turned to clean the rest against the wall. But Gabriel had easily caught his wrist again and pulled his hand towards himself. He'd met Alec's eyes as he licked their mingled come off Alec's fingers like it was a delicacy. Alec had watched him swallow with as much attention as he might have paid someone performing surgery on his own heart, and Gabriel did it again. He'd slowly cleaned Alec's hand, for all the world looking absolutely delighted to be swallowing their spunk.

"Now we could go running," Gabriel had decided, letting go of Alec. "I'm fairly sure I won't eat any lost puppies."

So they had run, and afterwards they'd had sex somewhere only squirrels could watch—sixty-nining—they'd gone for a full English breakfast in a café that catered to construction workers and was open at six in the morning. They hadn't really talked: Gabriel had led him around and told him what to do and Alec had been happy not to speak. More than happy with any attention Gabriel was willing to offer him.

"I need to be at work this afternoon," Gabriel explained.

"The day before the full-moon?" Alec asked. When the moon was close too full, all of a werewolf's needs increased exponentially, making them irritable and impatient. It was not a good time to be around humans and they all tried to schedule days off if they could. He'd assumed Gabriel was in the city because he'd got lucky and got two in a row right before the moon. Maybe that explained what he was doing in the middle of a human club while moon high; he must have had amazing self-control.

"I like to keep busy." Gabriel shrugged, then dug out his mobile, a fairly basic model with a silicone protective case. "What's your number?"

Alec hesitated mostly out of shock. He'd been telling himself to enjoy the moment because he was never getting this lucky again, but Gabriel frowned for the first time. He clearly didn't like to be contradicted. "Are you really that busy with school or is it that easy for you to pick up humans?"

"No!" Alec had said at once, even though it didn't really make sense as a response. "I mean, yes, I'm busy. You—" He'd fumbled for his own phone and concentrated on bringing up his own information before passing it over.

Gabriel had typed the number in without asking anything else, but that wasn't what had truly surprised Alec. He got it: Gabriel was planning on booty-calling him because he was more convenient than humans who wouldn't get he was riled up because of the moon. He wouldn't need to be careful with Alec, it made sense... But a moment later he handed Alec back his phone and there was a text on it already. A smiley face from an unknown number. It was so at odds with Gabriel's demeanour and appearance that Alec couldn't keep himself from snorting.

When he'd looked up, the alpha had been smiling softly. Smug. But after spending half a day with him, Alec thought that was just the way his mouth naturally curved. "Well, I'm off. Great hospitality, I'll let the people at home know!"

Alec hadn't quite been able to contain his horrified expression and Gabriel hadn't been able to keep from laughing at him. But he'd never been worried that, as he patted Alec's shoulder and went off to whatever it was he did for a living, he'd say anything to anyone. They held each other's reputation in their hands—there couldn't be a secret better kept.

 

&

 

Once Alec was alone again, it was a different matter, of course. First he'd hesitated about saving the number and then about what to save it under: If anybody asked how he knew Gabriel Gosden, he wouldn't have been able to come up with anything believable. And then, after he'd simply gone for his first name, he'd had to double-check he didn't have any other Gabriel on his contacts that he might confuse him with. He'd added the G as the initial for the surname and only then jogged back to his place, smelling of sex, bacon, crushed leaves, and alpha, and trying to remember from his studies of the human body how sensitive the human nose was and whether his flatmates would be able to tell.


	3. Chapter three – The Recent Past

Alec assumed Gabriel would go back to casually ignoring him beyond the inevitable conversations of two people sharing living space. But of course Gabriel didn't give up. It wasn't in his nature and Alec had made the mistake of not offering any viable alternatives. Gabriel needed to help Ray and with Josh more than covering their bases with the emotional support—and both Iesu and Sergi considerably better suited to stepping up in his absence—all that left Gabriel with was practical, quantifiable matters. Alec's specialty.

He sat by Alec on the couch instead of going for the kitchen like he usually did after work. He was holding Jamie—who'd been in the bedroom sleeping—in arms. It couldn't be the first time he held him, or the twentieth; they all shared babysitting duties. But it was the first time Alec had seen him holding his son and it didn't matter that he knew it was stupid and absurd... It did something to him to see the careful way Gabriel carded his fingers through Jamie's light hair.

“Do you want him?” Gabriel offered.

Alec shook his head before he realised it’d leave him with no explanation for his reaction.

But Gabriel didn't ask, just watched the cartoons that were on—Maria and Clara were watching, but Sasha was busy with her cuddly bunny and Michael was more interested in sniffing around the carpet as a pup. When Gabriel glanced at Alec again, he spoke casually, “Is there any way we can find out more?”

Alec didn't ask what he was talking about, of course he knew. He took a moment to find the words. “If we asked other male omegas...”

He knew it was hopeless, but Gabriel had asked. He tsked at the information and started to bounce his knee under Jamie, making him squeal with laughter. Alec's gaze slid inexorably to his son, hopelessly drawn to his joy. 

Gabriel met his eyes and smiled. “He’s a lapful,” he joked.

Jamie was still considerably heavier than even Michael, who was a little heavier than his sisters but not visibly bigger. Alec couldn't guess how he of all alphas had produced the gigantic bundle of joy that was his son. But of course he didn't understand Jamie's extroversion either. He hoped it meant Jamie would never feel as trapped in his own head as he did.

“Yeah,” he agreed.

Gabriel shook his head, as if snapping himself out of his light mood. “There’s a male omega in our old pack,” he said. “I know his alpha. Well, mostly I know their daughter, she's my second cousin.”

“And you think he'll let him talk to us?”

“Gotta try, don't we?” Gabriel shrugged. “Plus I think I can sell them on the fact that we're bringing the pack into the future. Everybody was interested in seeing some results from your studies.”

“My what?”

“With the babies?” Gabriel prompted, then when Alec kept looking blank, he added, “All those charts you're always fiddling with?”

“You told them?” Alec asked, sounding a little off. He wasn't angry, just shocked.

“Well, yes, was it a secret? I figured you'd want to expand from our five sooner or later anyway.”

“Well.” He licked his lips. “Yeah, but I didn't...”

Gabriel shook his head gently. “They are interested,” he declared easily. “My cousin Adele will totally let you weigh her kids. She's got triplets so she’ll pretty much do anything for anyone willing to hold them, but she’s a nurse too so...”

“Okay,” Alec said, scratching at his jeans to avoid giving away either his nerves or his pleasure. Gabriel could probably tell anyway, but still.

Sasha tugged at his cuff, asking to be picked up and Alec complied.

He held her close, letting her play with his hair and rubbing circles onto her back—probably more soothing to him than to her.

“I’ll need you to come and explain,” Gabriel said. Warned.

“Yes,” Alec agreed. “I mean, sure.”

“Good,” Gabriel said, pleased, and Alec glanced at him, helpless to resist the approval in his voice. And maybe he was at bad at keeping it off his face as he secretly feared because Gabriel’s gaze on him grew sharper somehow. If they hadn’t been holding a baby each, he’d have expected Gabriel to reach out for him then. He was sure the next words off Gabriel’s mouth would be… “I’ll call Adele then, set that up. We can go over and I’ll introduce you and then I can drop by her dad’s place and get the ball rolling.”

Alec nodded, mouth dry, and looked away, feeling stupid.


	4. Chapter four – The Distant Past

After a few days, Alec convinced himself that Gabriel had just been trying to be nice and that he wasn't going to call again. Not that Alec should have cared: he was almost as overwhelmed with work as he could physically manage and starting to lament that the caffeine pills his classmates consumed like candy wouldn't really affect him—side effects be damned.

It was good, he was busy and he didn't really think about Gabriel. Well, that wasn't completely true because even when he was exhausted, he was twenty-four and always horny, and Gabriel... Well, Gabriel had shoved him against a wall and blown his brains out with his mouth in the same night. It was a hard memory to top.

But other than that, he didn't think about Gabriel. And he kept not thinking about him as he sat exam after exam and tried to remember to eat regularly.

But when he'd finished his exams, he'd been so sleep deprived and so euphoric that he'd decided why the hell not? He'd texted, not called, which was a bit of a blessing because he might also have been slightly drunk on the especial brew liquor he'd sneaked out of his parents' house the last time he'd visited for a mandatory pack get together. But in any case, he'd managed to communicate his desire to blow Gabriel's brains out at his earliest convenience.

He'd woken up fuzzy and confused sometime around 2am to discover he had an answer.

_[Friday] from Gabriel G._

He checked the phone to find out what day it was—all he'd cared about for the last month were the actual _dates_ —and discovered it was Wednesday. So two days, or 48 hours, although Gabriel hadn't given him a time. But Alec knew he worked and most jobs would let out at six, so... He buried his face back into the sheets, then turned his face at the smell. He hadn't had time four any type of laundry for a while... And then he realised that he'd probably need at least a couple days to wash his whole wardrobe and bedding and let it dry. He rolled to his feet.

Not that he was doing it for Gabriel, it was just basic good manners when one had a guest with supersenses.

 

&

 

For a moment, all Alec had been able to do was stare. For no reason he could see other than that all werewolves ran hot, Gabriel was just wearing a muscle shirt, white and worn thin. It left his tanned arms bare and showed the outline of his chest well enough for Alec to diagram.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" Gabriel's eyebrow was arched with open scepticism, but Alec couldn't miss the soft curb of his lips. He was teasing.

"Yes, thanks for coming," he said, falling back on manners.

Gabriel laughed, stepping in. "I was hardly going to miss it with an offer _like that_."

Alec could feel his face heating up, which always made him even more self-conscious because he knew it made his hair look closer to red that the tarnished brown he preferred to imagine it was. It must have appealed to something in Gabriel's dominant nature to see him like that, though, because he stepped closer and cupped Alec's face with his cold palm. The contrast sent a shiver through him and he swallowed. He was breathing fast all of sudden, or maybe he was just now realising. Gabriel was staring at his mouth and rubbing a thumb against his lips. "I was just thinking of calling you, what with the full moon coming up."

It was like bucket of cold water, but Gabriel was already leaning in and kissing him long and wet, sucking on his tongue with relish. Alec closed his eyes too, tried to let it all go. Some part of him had been thinking the alpha had come for _him_ , but that part of him was an idiot. And the smart part of him knew that Gabriel was right: the full moon would turn his crank up like nothing else, so why not scratch the itch while he could? He clung to Gabriel's bare biceps as the man kissed him to within an inch of his life.

"What the fuck..."

They both looked up at the muffled exclamation. It was Nathan, wide blue eyes travelling between Alec and Gabriel. Alec tried to take a step back, but Gabriel's arm around his waist was solid as steel. Finally he managed enough saliva to mumble that they were going to his room and Gabriel was generous enough to allow him the freedom of movement to follow through. Nathan hesitated, then turned and went on his way.

He hadn't told his flatmates that he was gay. He could have, he realised now. He was at university, and it was pretty okay for people his age. But somehow it hadn't occurred to him—it'd never been okay at home.

"Come on, cheer up," Gabriel told him, pushing him down onto the freshly made bed. He glanced around until he found the bedside table. "Lube?" Alec's heart jumped so hard it made Gabriel look at him. He snorted. "Don't worry, no condoms will be necessary."

That didn’t say much, since it wasn’t like they could get STDs no matter what type of unprotected sex they had, but Alec wasn’t going to stop him to ask for clarifications. He didn’t really know the man, but he knew sex with him was good. It’d have to be enough—it wasn’t like his brain would stop coming up with questions and what-ifs if Alec indulged it and asked.

Gabriel found the lube easily and dropped it besides them before he went back to kissing Alec. This time he went slower, but he upped the speed fast, until Alec couldn't do anything but clutch at his hair as his mouth was devoured—whimpers swallowed like they were manna from heaven, every hitch of his hips responded to with easy powerful grace.

Gabriel knew what he was doing. He put a hand on Alec's chest to force him to stay down as he sat back down on his thighs so he could get rid of his shirt. After that, he didn't need to bother, Alec could barely manage not to openly gap as he watched his peaked nipples on his sculptural chest.

"Clothes," Gabriel snapped, and leaned in to bite at Alec's ear before he rolled off the bed and groaned. "Damn work shoes..."

Eventually, Alec had woken up enough to remove his own clothing—he'd only managed to keep up because he'd never put shoes on to start with. He lamented the wasted time when he turned around to watch Gabriel only to get pushed back down onto his back. But he'd forgotten as soon as Gabriel had him pressed down onto the sheets. They were naked and Gabriel was burning up like nobody he'd ever touched before. All werewolves ran hot by human standards and even hotter during the full moon when their metabolism sped up to cope with the exhausting exercise of the hunt, and a small part of Alec's mind was still wondering whether alphas ran _hotter_.

He tilted his head back and sucked on Gabriel's tongue as they slid against each other, dicks never getting enough friction between their bellies and hips but still so close to perfectly... And then Gabriel had turned his face away, panting a little, and groped about. He'd checked Alec's eyes before leaning back and turning the tube upside down over his crotch. He'd flinched at the cold and Gabriel had dropped the tube and rubbed his hip in apology, but in truth, by the time Gabriel put his hand in the mess and stroked Alec's dick, everything was way too hot again.

Gabriel leaned into Alec, holding himself up with a single arm as he rearranged them to his satisfaction. Alec expected him to align their cocks so they could rub off as they kissed, but Gabriel had something different in mind: he nudged Alec's legs apart and guided his cock between Alec's thighs before pushing them back together around it. He was hard as steel against the soft skin and he'd lubed himself up too. He shuddered, dropping his other hand just in time to not completely collapse on top of Alec as he thrust into the sensitive space between Alec’s thighs. Alec whimpered as the soft, wet head hit his sack.

Gabriel licked at his earlobe, giving it a gentle suck. “Good?” He gave another thrust, as if Alec needed convincing, and all he could do was take hold of his waist and press his thighs together against the hard length of Gabriel’s cock and push back. The sensation of Gabriel’s cock pushing past the barrier of his legs rushed through him like a blow to the head, making him clench his eyes shut as he held on and trembled.

The alpha groaned on top of him and shoved harder into the warm space of Alec’s body, and just like that, they had a rhythm. It was easy, for all that Alec had never tried intrecrural sex before and had only every topped with humans. Gabriel’s lips found his again, wilder, more teeth and more spit, and Alec opened his mouth and let him have what he wanted. When Gabriel’s thrusts grew more forceful, he stopped trying to push up into them and just focused on holding his legs together, letting the alpha control the pace of their fucking.

Because it felt like fucking. Like being fucked.

Gabriel came all over his balls, burningly hot and with the excessive amount of seed alphas always produced. It was too much for Alec, all that slickness over his balls and hole, and Gabriel's weight as he collapsed on top of him, trapping his dick between their bellies… He came too, making a right mess himself and not caring in the slightest.

For all of a minute, then the sensation of being covered in come stopped being hot and started being simply sticky. Gabriel sensed it somehow because Alec didn’t have to ask him to roll over.

 

&

 

He'd woken up too warm. Unsurprisingly, since Gabriel was mostly draped around him and still fast asleep. They'd never managed to get under the duvet. It was probably going to need washing if Alec didn't want it to smell of come even to his flatmates. He groaned, remembering Nathan's reaction. He wasn't even sure it had been a bad one, just that it had made his normally laid-back flatmate freak out. It'd made him notice Alec.

Alec lived better under the radar—if nobody was looking, he was even a fairly functional person. He could get schoolwork done on time and well, cook a decent meal, and keep his room from becoming a sty. Nathan was so bad at the last one that he'd almost got kicked out of the flat because the smell had got bad enough for Alec to forego his policy of ignoring other people and complained about it to the others.

But Nathan had a girlfriend, and plenty of friends he had over for videogames. And Alec hadn't talked to anybody he didn't live with or with whom he didn't have to work with for a project in more than six months.

He squirmed from under Gabriel despite the alpha's rumblings and rolled off the bed. The sex had been... well, the sex had been even better than the first time around. Somehow, Gabriel had remembered his soft spots and he obviously really enjoyed holding Alec down. It wasn't... it didn't have to be a big deal. Alec didn't need to listen to all the things men were 'supposed' to want. He liked cock, there wasn't much he could do to make that worse, and maybe it was just that Gabriel was an alpha and it felt natural to let him be in charge, but he was okay with it.

Sex was a healthy human need and even if werewolves were burningly hot weirdos, it also applied to them. He looked down at himself, he had come everywhere. He some baby wipes from his desk and cleaned his own from his belly first, then Gabriel's from... between his legs. He had to swallow hard at the memory of the hot rush of arousal that had gone through him when the alpha had come in... on him. He dropped them in the bin, even though the scent was still loud and clear despite the alcohol in the wipes.

He turned to find his clothes and blinked sleepily at the room when he didn’t find them. All he could focus his eyes on was the naked man stretched on his bed, muscles bunched as he half curled towards the empty spot Alec's body had occupied earlier. For a long moment, he thought about getting his phone and snapping a picture. You couldn't even see Gabriel's face from this angle... But even if he didn't have experience with hook-ups that lasted longer than a night, he still didn't want to risk Gabriel thinking he had so little game, he'd treasure a naked picture of him.

By the time Gabriel woke, he'd put on boxers and a shirt and sat at the desk to check his email. He heard his heartbeat leave the placid rhythms of sleep and glanced up in time to see his beautiful back disappear from sight as he rolled over to face Alec. It was hard to lament the loss when it revealed the fine planes of his chest and his very awake cock, red and ready. Alec gaped at him, wordless with lust, until Gabriel blinked the final traces of sleep out of his eyes and arched an eyebrow at him. "Why are you over there?"

"I woke up," Alec explained.

Gabriel snorted, but then he smiled in invitation. "Do you want to come back here?"

 

&

 

After that round, Gabriel had asked if there was any decent Chinese food to be had that would deliver—the place closest to pack territory was a mess and he had a craving. They'd ended up eating takeaway on the floor—Alec didn't have much of a spine, but Gabriel had caught him making a distressed face when he'd tried to sit down on the bed with his plate of noodles.

"So you're a neat freak," he'd teased, folding his long naked legs under himself with a grace that was definitely supernatural. At least he'd put his briefs back on—for what little they did hide.

Alec had shrugged. "It's not a big deal."

"Well, I guess it's important if you're going to be a doctor, right? Don't humans get sick if anything isn't perfectly clean before you use it on them?"

"So do we," Alec responded. "The body naturally expels any foreign materials from wounds and since we do it so fast, it's not often an issue, but hygiene is always a good idea."

No sooner had he said it that he realised how snobbish he sounded. It was the right tone in school, of course, but he knew people his age didn’t speak that way…

He dared a glance at Gabriel and found he looked amused—eyebrows raised and mouth slightly curved. "Do you've a specialty yet?"

"Well… not really.”

“But you’ve an idea,” Gabriel sussed out at once. He had a knack for seeing right through Alec. It was crazy; Alec had been told he was hard to read all his life.

“I like paediatrics,” he said quietly. “But human babies…” He shrugged. “I don’t know if I’d handle that well. I like kids too much.”

“Fair enough,” Gabriel said after a pause.

"What do you do?" Alec asked. He'd wanted to know and it was finally the right time.

"Oh, construction," Gabriel said, almost dismissive.

"You don't like it?"

Gabriel’s mouth twisted a little. "It's a job. I dunno, I finished school and there wasn't anything I was into, but I was strong and one of my cousins got me in."

"Would you like to do something else?" Alec was strong, too, of course, but he couldn't imagine just moving stuff around all day.

"Nah, I'm getting to do some interesting stuff now, detail cutting. Tiles and such. It's a bit repetitive sometimes, but at least nobody pees on me," he added with a smile.

Alec snorted. "Nobody has peed on me yet! I'm only in third year; you think they're going to let me touch a baby? I have barely seen any adults. It's mostly diagrams and skeletons."

Gabriel set his empty container down. "So how's your male anatomy?" He asked with a completely serious face. But he couldn't hold it, the smile slipped over his lips like the sun coming clear from the clouds. Alec's first impression hadn't done him justice; he wasn't a movie star, he was an _angel_.

Or a devil, he guessed, as Gabriel crossed the room and kissed the laughter off his mouth.

He got the lube out of Alec's drawer without asking first, not that Alec was in any state to talk with Gabriel's whole lower body pressing him down onto the bedding. Alec was small by werewolf standards and Gabriel was big even by those so if he didn't make an effort to stay off him, he could easily cut off his air supply with his weight alone. To his surprise, Gabriel barely took the time to drop a kiss on the corner of his mouth before he started crawling down the bed, destination clear and no detours planned.

Alec swallowed thickly, trying to keep quiet as he nosed at his hipbone—long hair tickling even as he planted a wet kiss on Alec's lower belly just next to his hard dick. He managed even as Gabriel stopped playing with him and gave his cock a good thorough lick, but he couldn't keep from trying to follow as the alpha moved away to breathe. That was apparently a problem: Gabriel's hands on his hips gripped punishingly hard and shoved him right back down. It was probably hard enough to bruise, but that wasn't what got Alec exhaling like he'd run into a solid wall. It was the way his body just stilled, relaxing under Gabriel's hands like it instinctively understood they were safe—or maybe that they were not in control anymore and there was no point in struggling to do better. And then Gabriel leaned back in and sucked the head of Alec's cock into his mouth and then he couldn't be silent at all, but it didn't matter. It couldn't matter. Not when Gabriel slowly deepened his sucks, taking more and more of Alec into his mouth, not seemingly bothered when it went deep enough to hit the back of his throat. And all through it he didn't let Alec move his arse an inch off the sheets, not even when reflex got the better of him and he thrust against Gabriel’s hold.

And then, just as suddenly as far as Alec was concerned, Gabriel let go of his hips and leaned back, shoving Alec's thighs till he bent his knees and hooked them over Gabriel's shoulders. It was a strangely vulnerable position, for all that Gabriel was pleasuring him, so of course it made Alec dizzy with wanting—cock bouncing around as he was rearranged to the alpha's satisfaction. Gabriel went for the crease of his thigh, then lapped at his balls—now exposed—and absorbed Alec's helpless shudders and jerks like he didn't even notice them.

He'd never been with anyone who wouldn't at least stop to ask, but although Gabriel didn't rush, he didn't stop to confirm either. Maybe he expected Alec to object if he minded the palms cupping his buttocks or the fingers half digging between his cheeks, but it was hard to care when Gabriel's hands were holding him to Gabriel's eager mouth. It was all he could do not to clench and push up into the wet, silky suction.

He heard the lube being squeezed out of the bottle before he realised Gabriel was holding him one handed—the teasing had got slow enough that Alec had just resigned himself to laying there and taking it—and his first thought was relief that he was going to get to come. But Gabriel didn't squeeze the slick on Alec's stomach like he hoped, instead he tapped Alec's hand where it lay on the bedcovers until Alec took it.

"Gimme," he ordered, flicking the lid open and cupping his own hand under Alec's slack grip.

And Alec did. He barely had enough coordination to manage even that much and too much came out but other than a tiny flinch at the temperature, Gabriel didn't say anything. Alec dropped the tube, still open, and closed his eyes for a moment—feeling as if the effort it'd required of him was more than he'd had in him. And then Gabriel's mouth was back on him and so was his hand, slick and wet and rubbing at the space between his cheeks in a way that had Alec clenching and opening his eyes, straightening his elbows under him to try and look at the man sucking him like he was the last drink of water in a desert. The sight made him shudder, or maybe it was the tip of a fingertip catching on his rim. He couldn't think, much less talk. He was lost in sensation, lost enough that he forgot again and just thrust into Gabriel's throat—it made him choke and Alec froze, apologies spilling from his lips.

Gabriel gave him a half-hearted glare, coughing a little, then used the hand he hadn't lubed up to take hold of the base of Alec's cock—giving it a squeeze in warning—and dived right back in, lapping at the space around his fist like he couldn't get enough.

Alec whimpered, hands clenching against the bedding as he struggled to stay still. It turned out not to matter, when one of Gabriel's wandering fingers actually pushed past his rim and he tried to get away, he discovered the alpha was prepared. His cock got squeezed hard in Gabriel's unforgiving grip and he was held in place easily. The fingers did retreat after a moment, but the message was clear: it was not up to Alec to control when that would happen.

He frankly couldn't have cared less. If Gabriel didn't make him come soon...

"Please." The word slipped out. His voice was wrecked, as if it had been him and not Gabriel who was performing the blowjob. Gabriel actually pulled out, raising his head to meet Alec's eyes—somehow it took the word to a whole different level: it wasn't just asking Gabriel to hurry up, it was _begging_. "Please," he said again, throat dry and face flaming.

It didn't matter what he said, in that moment, with Gabriel half holding him down, his fingers into Alec's arse, he knew that he wouldn't move until the alpha told him he could. He was dying to finish, so close to the line that it felt like he didn't even need Gabriel's mouth, his breath over Alec's groin would do... But that was enough, thank the moon, to get Gabriel to tilt Alec's cock to the right angle and just go for it—he sucked with less finesse and more energy, not playing or teasing anymore, just sucking with all he had even as his other hand kept Alec from helping at all. He came like that, back arching even as his hips were kept firmly in place between Gabriel's hand and mouth, and the world going black, white, and black again as his brain tried to process the rush of pleasure from his cock, and then from his arse because Gabriel hadn't simply left his hand there, he'd pushed a finger right past the ring again just as Alec was starting to come and now Alec was clenching on it—body oscillating between ecstasy and overstimulation.

When Gabriel finally let go of him, Alec curled to the side, pulling his legs against his chest to disentangle them from Gabriel's arms. He barely registered Gabriel pulling his finger out of him. He was panting too hard even for having just come and his mind felt... strangely quiet. He knew what they'd just done was... He felt Gabriel's hand on hip, rubbing reassuringly, and he didn't say anything as the alpha pressed against Alec's back, moulding himself the curve of Alec's body till his hard cock was burning a slick line against him.

"Too much?" he asked in something that couldn't quite count as a whisper.

Alec could just about nod, but it was plenty because Gabriel's chin was hooked over his shoulder.

"Okay, I'll go easy on you... Just lemme..."

Alec did let him hold onto his hip and push against the small of his back, trailing come and possibly lube all the way down to the top of his arse, until he was moaning softly into his shoulder—breath hot and wet as he panted. And then he was coming, holding on tightly as he thrust harder, rutting his cock against Alec like he _was_ fucking him. Alec closed his eyes and let it all wash over him.


	5. Chapter 5

# Chapter five – The Recent Past

Gabriel was not one to dither when a task needed doing; the very next day he came from work with an invitation to dinner with Adele and her wife, an alpha who worked as a manager at the construction site where about half the pack was employed.

"You should come with me," he told Alec at dinner.

It was just the five of them; one day every week, Irina drove Marisa back to the old pack on her bike so they could have dinner with their families. A lot of alphas would have resented their betas keeping such close links to their old pack, but they didn’t have a First Alpha and Ray had made a point of telling the betas they’d be free to go back any time they wanted. In two weeks, they were going to see how that worked out with the other three betas they’d selected, but for that, they needed to get a plumber to make the second house habitable. Irina and Marisa were fine sharing the room Iesu had generously given up so he could sleep in Sergi’s arms every night, but it wouldn’t be fair to ask five adults to share a room like children for long.

Iesu looked between Alec and Gabriel, befuddled. As well he might since for as long he'd known them, Gabriel had never spoken to Alec beyond praising his cooking or asking him to stop and buy diapers on his way home.

Alec pretended not to notice. "When?"

"Tomorrow or Friday, they said both were good for them."

Alec took a moment to consider his schedule. He wanted to put it off, of course, not because he didn't want more information—he was desperate for it—but because he already knew it'd be awkward. _He_ would be awkward. But by Friday he'd have been working three days straight and he knew himself too well to think he'd be able to handle that and a social visit with strangers as well.

"Tomorrow," he told Gabriel and, in his attempt to avoid his eyes, accidentally met Ray's.

He looked young and tired, and for some reason Alec couldn't yet explain, those were both true. It was mostly in an attempt to distract him that he spoke then. "We're going to try and get them to let me weigh their kids so that we've more data points."

"Oh," Ray seemed surprised, but, unexpectedly, pleased too. "That's good, isn't it? You can't do science with five samples, even I know that."

Alec wanted to tell him not to put himself down: he might not have gone to university, but that didn't mean he wasn't smart or able to understand the concepts. "You remember a lot more about GCSE biology than most people," he said instead.

Ray shrugged. "I liked it better than physics," he said timidly.

But he was barking up the wrong tree. "Ugh, physics," Alec groaned. "It almost ruined my whole grade for Triple Science."

"What? Really?" Iesu asked from his other side. " _You_ were doing less than perfectly in school?"

"There's plenty of subjects I didn't do well in," Alec complained. "I'm just good at what I like."

"So physics and what else?" Ray pressed.

"Well," Alec said, smiling at Ray when he realised. "Art, actually. I sucked at drawing. Fine motor skills are not my thing. Not going to be a surgeon, either."

"Did you want to be?" Ray asked carefully. On the other side of the table, Sergi trailed off whatever he'd been telling Gabriel about the latest work on the beta wing. It wasn't so much a new wing as a new house entirely build right next to theirs with a connecting corridor, but Iesu—whose small pack had come from Romania when he’d been ten—liked to mock 'the proper English ways' and the name ‘wing’ had stuck.

Alec kept his eyes on his food as he cut it in small pieces. The meat was stewed and probably didn't need to be that small for him to consume but it was something to do to keep his nerves at bay. "Not really, I don't mind blood or anything, but it seems a bit much, you know?"

Ray made choked noise and Alec abruptly remembered that Ray, the sweet guy who’d happily spend hours on a canvas, had _killed_ someone with his bare hands recently.

Nobody else seemed to notice Ray's abrupt silence because Iesu started talking about a time his cousin had cut her thigh open and bled all over his mum's favourite armchair. It was an innocent anecdote, and not even that graphic but Alec saw the way Ray's shoulders were drawn towards himself. He had to do something...

"Iesu," Sergi hissed from his side. "I'm _eating_."

And just like that, there was nothing to do anymore: Iesu turned to him and reached for his cheek, rubbing gently. Sergi didn't seem pleased, but he didn't actually move away to reject the gesture. Alec couldn't blame him; he didn't think he'd have given up that easy intimacy if it'd been offered to him. Ray was breathing normally again, although he wasn't eating as much as pushing food around his plate.

Alec looked away, feeling like his stomach was made of lead. "What time do you think we need to be there?" He turned his face his way but didn't raise his eyes to Gabriel’s.

Gabriel answered anyway. "Eight should be fine. It's your turn to do bedtime, but I'll help you and if we feed them at five, we should be more than done."

Alec glanced up in surprise. It wasn't like would have skipped on his responsibilities, but with Marisa and Irina around, it was easy to find someone to help cover for you if you had something to do.

"Thanks," he said, meeting Gabriel's eyes by accident. He meant it, though. He could feel the possibilities opening up as he prepared himself to push down his fears and talk to other people about what he was doing. He didn’t have great hopes for being allowed to talk to an omega, but he could see a parent letting him weight and measure their babies, and maybe, if they played it right… He shook himself out of the fantasy. It was all well and good to be hopeful, but it wasn’t wise to be naively so.

Gabriel nodded. "No problem."

And he meant it too.

 

&

 

Because he was nervous—terrified—about the meeting, he figured he'd better cushion his lack of social skills with some food. Dessert seemed appropriate since most people always found room for a sweet treat after dinner. He choose custard brownies because he wanted to be interesting without being too exotic—in England, it was hard to see how a combination of chocolate and custard could be unwelcome. He started at eleven in the morning because he couldn't quite talk himself out of the possibility of screwing it up the first time around. Plus, Josh's shift didn't start until four in the afternoon and he was sacked out in the couch, half covered in pups and babies and keeping an eye on the rest while they marathoned an animated show about people controlling the elements that seemed to be more Josh's speed than their kids’.

They were probably too young for anything beyond Sesame Street anyway and Josh needed the help staying awake. He’d got back at midnight and got woken early to look after them. Marisa had come up with the spreadsheet of duties, but she hadn’t taken into account that Josh’s coworkers were liable not to show up for their shifts for no discernible reason and his boss was too much of a softy to actually fire them for it. If it hadn’t been for the meeting, Alec would have sent Josh back to bed, but as it was, he could barely cope with cooking—he didn’t trust himself to look after the babies with the way his head was spinning.

The recipe was easy enough, but Alec knew he was a good enough cook to overestimate his ability to bake. He'd opened the oven in the middle of a cake rising more than once and miscalculated the temperature and burned whatever he was making another few times. The others were normally happy enough if he scraped a layer off whatever it was and added some jam, or cream, or ganache. But this was to take out to a stranger and if it was going to make up for the fact that Alec was going to get too nervous to talk to them, it needed to be better than okay.

"Is that lunch?" Iesu asked from the doorway. He and Sergi weren't working at the moment so they could spend their time working on building the new rooms for the betas—they were far away enough from civilization that they could get away with Gabriel's low level knowledge about construction and could save the money the permits would actually cost. The land on this side of the river, which had been purchased by their original pack decades ago to ensure humans didn't try and pollute it, was now officially Ray's property. It had always belonged to alphas before, but when Ray's uncle had suggested making them co-owners, Josh had refused at once—it was Ray who could feel the land, after all—and when Gabriel had backed him up, it'd been a done deal. None of them owned the house, because the house didn't officially exist, but it wasn't like it’d ever be empty.

"Dessert, for dinner tonight," Alec explaining. "I mean, for the dinner I'm going to, but I'm making enough to leave you guys your own."

"Mmm... smells good," Iesu said, walking in and retrieving a big bottle of water from the fridge. Alec would bet anything that he'd forget to put a new one in when he left. He scraped the last of the chocolate mixture into the eggs and sugar and mixed, looking up just in time to smack Iesu's hand away.

"No," he said firmly at Iesu's pout.

"It's just a little..."

"Your hands are dirty."

"I washed them!" Iesu insisted, sounding indignant. And Alec gave them an unimpressed once over. He was sure Iesu had _rinsed_ them.

"You can lick the bowl afterwards," he offered.

Iesu stepped back, and Alec should have known to be wary when he stopped arguing. "You knew Gabriel before, didn't you?"

Alec glanced up, hitting the bowl with his wrist and scrambling to right it before it spilled. "Yeah," he said when he managed and kept mixing even though it was done.

"How come?"

"Same pack," Alec said. It wasn't a lie but he was nervous enough that his pulse sped up as he spoke. After all, Iesu and he had been part of the same pack too.

Iesu could tell, and Alec knew he could tell. But maybe he didn't feel he could mention it outright. It wasn't like they knew each other well. Iesu was easy-going and enthusiastic, laughed a lot and seemed to thrive in making others laugh too. He couldn't have been more different from Alec if he'd tried and maybe he could tell too because he'd mostly left him to his own devices so far.

"I just... When he spoke to you yesterday, he just assumed you'd do what he wanted. You don't have to, you know that, right?"

Alec glanced up and met his eyes, mostly out of surprise. "Oh, no, it's not like that."

"Like what?"

"I mean... I don't feel, dunno, forced to do what he wants... I just..."

"You want to?" Iesu suggested doubtfully when Alec trailed off.

Alec shrugged. "He's good with people. I'm happy to play along, it was actually his idea to ask them for permission to measure their kids. And to..." He hesitated, for some reason he didn't want to mention their plan to try and talk to omegas and find out how they could help Ray. "Well, to help the pack. We're trying to figure it out. I'll do the science, he'll do the talking and hand gladding."

"Mmm.... if you are sure. Just remember we're all in this together, okay?"

Alec made himself meet his eyes because he had known it was true, technically, but he hadn't known Iesu would be willing to interfere on his behalf. "Yes, I know, don't worry."

"Can I lick the spatula now?" Iesu asked with a mischievous smile.

 

&

 

"Is that a powerpoint?"

Alec jumped half a meter in the air and turned fast enough he would probably caused himself damage if his body hadn't been so resilient. He was about to snap when Gabriel raised both hands, mouth twisting. "Sorry, my bad. You were obviously working hard. As usual," he added with a smile.

Alec looked away. "I just... I thought a powerpoint would be easier. Smaller chunks of information."

He’d actually got Irina to take over his childcare duties for the rest of the day in exchange for some advance brownies—did the woman have a sweet tooth—and taking her own at some point.

"Sure, you are right. Maybe you should be a teacher."

Alec shot him a horrified look. "Teacher? No way, they'd eat me alive."

"I'm sure you'd manage," Gabriel said. Alec didn't contradict him.

"Do we have to go?"

"Well, not right now, I just got out of the shower and thought..." He seemed to hesitate, then he went over to the table and sat next to Alec. He tried not to tense, but Gabriel had sat close enough his knee bumped against Alec's thigh as he leaned in to look at the screen. He smelled of water, shampoo—the almost odourless stuff humans created for those among them with sensitive noses, and underneath, himself. "You want to run me through it?"

Alec thought of refusing, of maybe putting the laptop in its bag and pretending he'd forgotten the charger in his room... He was pretty sure Gabriel wasn’t going to call him on it. He was obviously going to pretend they had never… Alec wasn’t even sure: was it just the sex that was off limits or their entire relationship? Gabriel had asked him to join the new pack for a reason, after all. And he didn't act like tis with Iesu or Sergi, who he truly hadn't known before.

“Well,” he started. “These are the rates of growth for human babies, which is more interesting than anything else, but I don’t have much data…”

“Plus I bet Jamie is throwing off all your numbers,” Gabriel commented.

Alec swallowed, aware of being observed, of Gabriel barely a hand width away. He didn’t look away from the screen, he clicked onto the next slide. Gabriel was right that he could use the practice. It was lucky he knew the data backwards and forward, too, because Gabriel was either leaning in closer as he went on or Alec was becoming more and more conscious of the heat of his body.

It was both a relief and a shock when Iesu interrupted them. “Don’t you guys have that dinner?”

Alec straightened, feeling himself flush. It wasn’t like he’d forgotten what he was preparing for. It was just… Gabriel’s chair scraped against the untreated wooden floor as he got to his feet. “Yeah, probably time to go.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

#  Chapter six – The Distant Past

Sometimes Alec wondered if the experience was as intense for Gabriel as it was for him. It would have explained why the alpha had started dropping him texts here and there—sometimes suggestions to meet up, sometimes just sharing apparently random tip dips about his co-workers or their pack. Alec wouldn't have said they were friends, but he'd have at least nodded at Gabriel if they'd crossed paths back in pack territory.

Despite being done with exams, Alec had plenty to keep him busy at uni for at least another month, so his mother had let him get away with not going back home for longer than a weekend.

The freedom wasn't going to last and a voice in Alec's mind wouldn't shut up about the fact that maybe _Gabriel_ wouldn't talk to him if they saw each other back home. Alec would understand: after all, they were both in the closet and they didn't have much in common other than what they did in bed... But no matter how much he rationalized it, he was still dreading Gabriel giving him a blank look and looking past him.

As it often happen when he got into a worrying spiral, he was so focused on the dreadful possibilities that he actually forgot to consider any real factors. Like the full moon. Or the full moon run in which all able-bodied members of the pack participated.

In which Alec was expected to participate.

His mother had fed him some light dinner—a vegetable pie and salad he ate with the same determination he used to stay awake through he night to study. She'd pretended as she usually did that she couldn't see and smell all the signs of his distress. She didn't mean any harm by it, she'd just learned that asking Alec about it only made him worse. He didn't need an interrogation, he needed a distraction.

The run should work for that, and in a pack of almost three hundred wolves, it wasn't even that likely that he'd run into Gabriel—no matter what his brain screamed in its badly regulated chemical state.

He never had before, he reminded himself firmly. And once he shifted, the wolf helped calm him down some. The pull of the moon was perhaps the only thing stronger than Alec's chaotic brain and the wolf didn't much care for thoughts, not good ones and certainly not bad ones that made its tail twitch. It was easier to be a wolf, except for how Alec was still there and depending where his head was at, he didn't much enjoy being pulled around by the moon any more than he enjoyed the thoughts he couldn't control.

It wasn't a bad night, overall, he ran with the pack and he hunted—helping bring down one of the deer they had introduced into the nearby forest—and ate until he was satiated before running once again. With as much sex as he'd been having, it wasn't even hard to steer his wolf clear of the half-baked orgies happening all over the place as mating instincts flared after the more basic need for food was met.

He went off by himself, making the wolf focus on the beautiful array of scents around them—he'd missed this when he'd been away in the smoggy city—and not the warm bodies they were leaving behind. He didn't realise he was being followed until he was a good two hundred meters away from his pack, and when he stopped and turned, it was with bare teeth, expecting a wolfling who'd got too big for his britches to challenge him.

It was Gabriel.

Alec's wolf recognized him at once, the gorgeous light brown coat on a beast almost a head taller than him. He lowered his head, not quite dropping on his back yet but acknowledging the submission he owed an alpha. But maybe Gabriel expected more than that because he didn't pause in his approach until he'd crowded right up to Alec.

Alec froze in place, unsure whether he needed to show his neck. But all the alpha did was nudge his ear, rubbing himself almost puppishly against Alec's side and making him shiver. He wasn't scared, exactly, but he _was_ worried. And he couldn't even ask what was going on, not like this...

The moon was still high enough to make it difficult, but he wasn't a control freak for nothing and he managed to shift back to skin. Gabriel stumbled a little onto him as Alec fell to his side on the ground, then the brown wolf whined low in his throat and followed suit.

He was on top of Alec at once, naked body pressing him down onto the damp grass. "What..." Alec started to ask, but Gabriel was already pushing their mouths together.

He had more stubble than ever before—he must have been making the effort to shave when they met—and it prickled against the skin of Alec's cheeks as he pushed his tongue past his lips. It was just too much to take when Alec had been burning up already: he clutched at Gabriel, tangling their legs together, hitching his hips up into the soft-burning-silky-impossible skin of Gabriel's belly.

It wasn't until it was over that he even remembered that the rest of their pack existed, and then it was him, not Gabriel, who scrambled back. He checked around them, even though they were behind some trees and if anybody had been around, there wasn't any way to disguise the come on both of them.

Gabriel was frowning at him, not looking as much alarmed as confused. "We... they could..." Alec managed.

"So? It's the full moon," he said. "Everybody is allowed a little fun."

Alec swallowed, eyes darting hopelessly away. "I..."

"You are in the closet." For the first time, Gabriel seemed truly sombre. "Of course you are."

Alec flinched, feeling himself flush, this time with shame. It wasn't like anybody spoke about being gay in the pack. He certainly had never heard any rumours about Gabriel, even though he was too old not to have mated an omega. "What am I supposed to do?"

Gabriel sighed. "Nothing. Sorry, it's none of my business."

He was already turning away and what was almost worse was that all it took was hearing those words to realise that Alec _wanted_ it to be his business. "Wait." Gabriel paused, glancing up at him. "Your parents know?"

A nod. "And my friends."

"I have never heard of anyone..." He swallowed. "I just didn't see the point. My parents wanted me to be an alpha, and for a beta, it doesn't really matter what we do, so..." He shrugged.

"So you make do with humans?"

"Yeah, I mean, I'm almost never here anyway..."

"I get it," Gabriel said, he sounded easy again, almost relaxed. And he was completely unbothered by his own nakedness, or Alec's, while Alec was having trouble keeping his eyes on his face. He glanced up the sky. "Do you want to run to the lake?"

It was an offer he could not refuse, not even if he'd been ready to let someone find out about him. But he didn't want to refuse it either, not if it meant he got to spend some more time with Gabriel in the process.

He didn't notice Gabriel had manoeuvred him to run close to the edge until the alpha wolf swerved and shoved him right into the water. He came out spluttering, fur soaked and teeth bared—if he'd had the right type of mouth, he'd have been swearing too. As it was, all he could do was get onto the shore and jump onto Gabriel's back, tugging at his ear until he rolled and snipped at Alec's snout. Despite his size disadvantage, Alec knew how to use his speed: he got Gabriel to give chase and then went for the muddy area next to the water. At the last moment, he stopped short, reversing and shoving them both into the freezing lake water.

And then they were just paddling like pups, licking and tugging with no regard for the hierarchy or status. All pups were betas and as such, equals. It was a nice game.

Gabriel eventually came out of the water, leaving Alec to swim and returning with a rabbit. Its neck had been snapped, but other than that, it was untouched when Gabriel gestured for him to eat. Betas were never supposed to eat before alphas. In fact, alphas were meant to offer their prizes to omegas... But Gabriel's eyes were clear on him, his expression as sincere as a wolf's could be. Alec shook the excess water off, and approached, still eyeing him in case he'd got it wrong somehow. But then he was biting into warm flesh, letting the blood pour out into his tongue—flavourful and healthy—and he couldn't hold his wolf back from tearing out a mouthful. He stepped back, and only then did Gabriel sink his own teeth into a leg and tore it out with a twist of his neck.

They ate in silence, not looking at each other but deeply aware of the other's presence, and then they went back to the lake to drink their fill. Alec wasn't sure what to do after that, they could have easily rejoined their pack in their running, or puppy piles, or whatever it was they'd ended up doing to satisfy the moon's demands.

But when he turned to Gabriel again, he found him back in human form. He almost shifted himself before the alpha gestured at him to come closer. Alec went, maybe his wolf wanted to obey the alpha, maybe it was just that Alec _wanted_ to be closer. It didn't matter, as soon as he was within reach, Gabriel went to his knees and buried his hands in Alec's fur, making him want to purr like a kitten and roll on his back like a common dog to beg for scratching.

He might have given himself away somehow because Gabriel gave a low chuckle and moved his hand to behind his ears and Alec couldn't help but push into the touch.

"Yeah," he said softly. "You're..." He swallowed the words, but it mostly sounded like he'd got distracted. "Listen, come back to mine. It's in town, but it's still dark, we can run there."

 


	7. Chapter 7

#  Chapter seven – The Recent Past

He had spent so much time with Gabriel in private, either on their own or with other members of their small pack, that he was almost shocked to see the almost deferential manner he took with Adele. It was that more than anything that brought it home to Alec that he should have asked more questions about his hosts. All he knew was that she was Gabriel’s second cousin on his mother’s side. When a beautiful black woman opened the door, it took his brain a moment to process she was a beta and thus had to be Adele.

“You must be Alec,” she said with a smile that made it clear she and Gabriel were indeed related. Her eyes zoned into the covered tray in his hands. "Is that chocolate?" she asked with transparent glee. "Lara is going to adopt you!"

“Ah, yeah.” He managed to pass it over, then realised she could no longer offer to shake the hand he was offering and quickly took it back. “Adele, right?” he asked instead.

He thought it was a pretty smooth recovery until she  slanted a sceptical look at her cousin. “Haven’t told him much, have you?”

Gabriel shrugged. “Not much time, Alec’s been busy preparing his notes for you, and the brownies. Kinda panicked when I told him you were a nurse.”

Alec froze for a moment, but he wasn't really embarrassed. Gabriel made it sound like he was taking her too seriously, sure, but he made Alec sound endearing for it.

And it made Adele laugh, deep and hearty. “Come in,” she said, stepping back. “Lara is putting the kids to bed, but I got wine.”

Her kitchen was big enough for a full table and there was indeed wine, which Alec appreciated mostly for the chance to do something with his hands as Adele and Gabriel teased each other like two cats playing with a mouse. There was clearly nothing malicious behind it but to Alec, who didn’t have siblings and wasn't close to his own cousins, it seemed oddly sharp.

Lara’s arrival was a welcome distraction because Adele focused on her like she was the sun rising in the horizon. Alec was stuck staring at her expression for a moment before he made himself look away. It felt oddly invasive of him. And it hurt a little to see that kind of love when he knew he couldn’t have it himself.

Gabriel swept her into a hug, the manly kind with back pats, and Lara returned it in turn. She was a small woman, darker skinned than her wife and with piles of braided hair falling down her back. She looked nothing like an alpha, which made Alec stutter a bit when she introduced herself. She didn't try to hug him, thankfully, but offered a hand to shake and gave him a good squeeze that told him she’d notice his hesitation. His stomach turned: the last thing he wanted was to offend her.

The moon knew _he_ didn't look like an alpha. Gabriel came forward and put a hand on Alec's shoulder. “Alec is going to discover how werewolves actually do what we can do,” he said. The words filled him with warmth for a moment before he realised Gabriel was probably just trying to sell them on the research.

He wasn't lying, and he didn't sound like he was joking either. Alec shot him a startled glance but Gabriel was focused on Adele. He'd taken his hand away but even through two layers, Alec could still feel it.

“No pressure, huh?” she said, laughing.

“Hey, you have the chance of being part of a pioneering study here,” Gabriel shot back.

“Do we?” Lara sounded sceptic, as well she might when Gabriel was making such a big deal out of Alec writing down some data and running it through Excel.

But Gabriel didn't back down. Alec wasn't sure if he really believed it that strongly or if he was just incapable of conceding. “Have you ever heard of anybody doing something like this?”

Alec was well aware nobody had, or at least nobody had shared it. Science was all well and good, but putting information out there where humans could find it? Find them? It might have been hundreds of years since hunters had disappeared but fear didn't retract as easily. Knowledge was only power if you were the only one who had it and werewolves were happy to ignore the workings of their own bodies if it meant they knew everything about humans and humans knew nothing about them.

Lara didn't respond, turning instead to her wife. Adele shook her head. “Never heard of anything, and I did look, a bit.”

“I have looked at lot, actually,” Alec said. “There is nothing, at least not anywhere near us, and if they are doing it anywhere else, they're keeping it a secret.”

“So what are you going to figure out exactly?”

“Well, so far it's obvious that the rate of growth in werewolf babies is 1.2 times faster than in human children.”

“Does that include cognitive milestones?” Adele asked.

“Well, yes, but I don't have a good rate for that. My sample is too small.”

She nodded. “What data are you collecting? Gabriel said height and weight, but that can't be all, right?”

“No, I'm checking reflexes too and I've timed how well they do with different types of puzzles.” He paused and she made an encouraging noise, and just like that they were off.

At some point, Lara stopped him and suggested they move to the table to eat. Alec realised his mouth was dry because even though Gabriel had refilled his wineglass at least once, he hadn't stopped long enough to drink it. He took a long pull, letting the others speculate about what the research could mean and whether they could eventually do twin studies.

The food was good: roasted meat with some kind of garnish that was both spicy and herbal. It turned out it was Lara's work and she was happy to talk recipes with Alec.

“So you are the one keeping these bunch fed?” Lara asked, pointing at Gabriel with her head. For the first time, it occurred to Alec that she must have been older than them. It was practically impossible to tell with werewolf delayed aging. Another thing to explore when he had time...

“Well, the betas help now,” he said with a shrug. “But before... it was either cook or eat takeaway everyday.”

She laughed. “I remember when Gabriel moved out of his parents, his mum was worried he wouldn't eat properly. Of course he ended up showing up for lunch and dinner half the time.”

Alec smiled, and caught Gabriel glancing at them out of the corner of his eye.

“So have you and Adele been together for a long time?” he asked her. He was genuinely interested: how had he missed a lesbian couple in his own pack setting up house together?

“Oh, yeah, ages. Since sixth form,” Lara explained.

Alec gapped.

Lara raised her eyebrows at him. “Why are you so shocked? How old do you think we are?”

It didn't really matter how old they were. If they had been together since the time they were seventeen or eighteen, that made it at least eight years if they were twenty-six like Alec. “No, it's..." He took a hasty sip of his wine. "I didn't know anybody in the pack was... out.”

Her expression turned serious, almost... protective. He could see it now, that she was an alpha. He might have not been great at it but he'd felt the pull to protect the pack too. “You weren't out before?” she asked him neutrally. She wasn't judging him, but Alec couldn't not judge himself.

He looked down, shook his head. He hadn’t even considered it when Gabriel had admitted to his own parents and friends knowing about him. Gabriel was Gabriel and what he could do had nothing to do with what Alec could do. And after they'd shared that night at Gabriel’s studio—so intense Alec could still bring back the sense of it he concentrated—they had started speaking of doing things a lot more controversial than sleeping with another man. Maybe the pack would overlook Gabriel’s entanglements as long as he didn’t make a big deal out of them, but they’d never stand for something like what Alec wanted. Maybe not even when he’d been a beta. Keeping it secret had been necessary.

And now the secret was out, or part of it was. His parents had been delighted he’d been chosen to start a new pack, and they had taken to Ray at once like they thought he was the love of Alec's life instead of a guy who'd taken pity on him and taken him in because he had to take _somebody_. And they adored Jamie, their first grandchild. They were not improper about their preference: they’d brought all the babies presents when they’d come to meet them but Alec saw them kneeling next to Jamie wherever he was.

It wasn’t even that Alec didn’t understand the pull of blood: _he_ had a preference for Jamie. He loved Jamie as a part of himself, both wolf and man aligned in their need to protect him from everything and anything. A feeling that made him understand that behind a lot of power was the vulnerability that power needed to protect.

He was proud of Jamie in a way he had never been able to be proud of himself. He made himself speak up, "I was a beta for... for a long time. I figured it didn't matter and it was better to keep my parents happy. I didn't know it was... I had no idea you guys were together. Or that Gabriel was out."

He suddenly realised everybody had gone quiet. He felt himself flushing when he felt their gazes on him, and then Gabriel came to the rescue. "Alec wasted his youth studying like a maniac," he said in a light teasing tone. "But it'll be worth it when he figures out all the secrets of lycanthropy for us," he added.

Alec glanced at him, cheeks still warm but unable not to because Gabriel sounded... proud. It was crazy: Alec hadn't done anything much yet except the basic tests any paediatric practitioner could perform in their sleep, and then input that data into the computer. But it didn't seem to matter. Gabriel smiled at him, radiant and powerful and knowing. Like he knew Alec, like he knew something about him that Alec wasn't sure was true.

But he wanted it to be.

"Lycanthropy?" Adele repeated, laugher in her voice. "Has Alec _rubbed off_ on you, cuz?"

Gabriel laughed loud enough to cover Alec chocking on air. "I can even spell it!"

Lara tsked. "Stop embarrassing our guests and go get me brownies, woman," she demanded of her wife. "Alec said there's chocolate _and_ custard on them. If it's as good as it sounds, I might just run away to their pack!"

Adele rolled her eyes at her even as she got up to comply. "You do realise they have _five babies_ , right? You'd be back in two days."

 

&

 

“Did you really have to make such a big deal of it to convince them to let me weight their kids?” he asked once they were in the car. He wasn’t planning on looking at Gabriel and this way Gabriel couldn’t look at him, either.

“I only told them the truth,” Gabriel said simply. He was also being truthful now.

Alec snorted. “Yeah, sure, I'm going to revolutionise werewolf biological sciences.”

“Well,” Gabriel shot him a look he pretended not to see. “I think you are going to _create_ werewolf biological sciences so yeah, I'd say so...”

“Look—” he started to say.

“Are you saying you don't want to?” Gabriel asked, cutting him off like he always did, like he didn't even realise Alec was in the middle of saying something. It was completely against protocol, but maybe Gabriel had got used to it when Alec was a beta. Maybe he really didn't know he was doing it.

“That’s not the point. Of course I do, but it's just a little study. I mean, I didn't even think of it as a study before you said it!”

Gabriel shrugged. “Well, maybe you should think bigger because Adele is going to speak to her sister about talking to you. She's an omega.”

“Oh, that's...”

“And Lara is going to bring it up with her alpha women group,” Gabriel continued. “I still need to work on Adele's father to get his mate to talk to you. I hinted but Adele shot me down, she doesn't like to get involved in her parents' business. But, well, it's a start.”

“A start? That's...” he trailed off. He knew he wasn’t good with people but he couldn’t believe he’d missed this much of the conversations going on around him. “Do you know them very well? The way they teased you…”

“Oh, yeah, they babysat me and my siblings. And I caught them making out a lot because I’m the oldest and I never went to sleep when they put us to bed.”

“Are you?” Alec asked before he could help himself.

"Yeah, I have three younger brothers. Betas, so far," he added, turning the wheel easily with a roll of his fingers.

Alec looked away from the muscles shifting under his tanned skin. It was only polite to offer something in return, though. “I’m an only child. It’d have been fun to have someone…”

“Mmm... It was for me," Gabriel admitted. "But I don’t think you’d have liked it. What with all the screaming and roughhousing…” He clicked his tongue, obviously fond of the memories.

“Maybe I wouldn’t be like this,” Alec suggested. It came out bitter instead of factual. He looked out the passenger window, hoping Gabriel somehow had missed it in the enclosed space, or would pretend to have missed it.

The other alpha was silent for a long moment. “Like what?”

Alec sighed. “Just… forget it, I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Gabriel didn’t answer and Alec shot him a surprised look just in time to see that they were pulling up to the side of the road. They were almost home, but apparently this couldn’t wait.

The engine was still rumbling as it cooled when Gabriel turned to meet his eyes, Alec glanced down at once. “What do you mean _like this_?” he asked again, patient but implacable.

Alec swallowed, but he’d walked himself right into this. “Just all… worried. Always overthinking things.”

“You think your anxiety was caused by being raised an only child?” Gabriel asked. To his credit, he didn’t sound incredulous, but the question made it clear he didn’t agree. And he’d said the word. Alec had never heard it spoken by someone about him before, he realised. Because nobody knew. Nobody was supposed to know. Gabriel had always accommodated him too much for Alec to truly believe he was unaware. He'd even talked Alec out of hyperventilating once. But naming it…

He tried to explain, “Well, I don’t know, but it would have helped to have someone around to learn how to do this stuff.” He waved his hand over his shoulder to signal the dinner they’d just left.

“Alec, you did that already,” Gabriel said very softly.

For a second, he was just surprised, but then the anger hit. “You think that was _good_?” he demanded. “It was awkward, and clumsy, and I didn’t even hear that you were making all these… these deals!”

Gabriel straightened, taken aback. “Okay, but even so, you did it.”

“No, _you did it_. I was just there to be your pet scientist.”

Gabriel raised his eyebrows at him. “Pet scientist? You are the one who came up with the idea; there wouldn’t be anything to get people to do without you.”

There wasn’t much he could say to that, but he tried anyway. “I didn’t… I didn’t come up with this great project you are talking about. I was just looking after my kids. Our kids,” he amended with a nervous look. Alphas were wont to take offense about things like that.

Gabriel didn't even seem to hear the addendum. “But do you want to do it?”

Alec had already told him yes to that, but in a way this was a different question. Alec wanted to find out how their kids would develop, and especially what was the matter with Ray. He’d have happily read a whole library on both subjects; but did he want to be the one at the forefront of the investigation that would lead to those answers? It was clear already that it would not be the quiet, solitary work he excelled at. He'd need to go to people's houses, talk to them... And it would get even more touchy and uncomfortable when it came to omega biology and their sex lives.

But there wasn't a library. There wasn't a single book that he'd been able to find, not even some sort of self-proclaimed expert. He wasn’t sure he could do it, that he could become that expert. But he knew he had to try, because his omega needed it. His pack needed it. He couldn't back down. Not when nobody else could take his place. He swallowed. “Yes.”

Gabriel smiled, his mouth like a beacon of hope that Alec was helplessly drawn to. “Good. Now that we’ve settled that… Adele and Lara thought you were charming.”

Alec rolled his eyes at him, trying to keep his gaze averted so as not to be caught by Gabriel’s charm. “Yeah, sure, especially after Lara noticed that I thought she didn’t look like an alpha.”

“I’m sure she noticed, but she probably also noticed that you were embarrassed to have thought it,” Gabriel pointed out. It was a crazy notion, that someone could be less offended by his mistake because of an apology he hadn’t even made.

“How would she know that?” Alec challenged.

Gabriel’s smile was almost predatory now. “You were blushing.”

“Oh, for fuck’s…” he cut himself off, they’d all started trying to cut swear words out of their vocabulary before the kids were old enough to understand. As a rule, Alec didn’t find it hard: ‘bad words’ had never flown with his parents and he’d hardly spoken to anyone else.

Gabriel laughed. “Wow, I'm a really bad influence!” he commented. He was leaning on his extended arm pressed against the steering wheel. His skin shone under the light of the half-moon, and for a second Alec’s eyes lingered on the hint of stubble delineating his strong jaw.

He looked away, huffing. Not sure if he was frustrated with Gabriel or himself. “Okay, you know what? You can believe they thought I was ‘charming’, I don’t care. It’s not like you ever listen to anybody.”

“What?” Gabriel’s voice had suddenly gone low and sharp. “I listen to you. And I try to listen to everybody else, if I—”

“I’m sorry!” Alec cut him off. “I didn’t mean it. I just… It was hard hearing you say all those things about me. I can’t live up to that,” he admitted, eyes fixed on the dashboard.

“Well,” Gabriel said after a long pause. “I’m a little biased, aren’t I? But they did say you were cute, and they’re willing to let you include their kids in the study so… You can think you’re coasting on your looks or your personality, whichever makes you feel better about it.”

Alec glanced up, startled. Biased? Biased how? But that was not a productive line of thought and he didn’t have the energy to keep this up for long anyway. He made himself meet Gabriel’s eyes. “Thanks for taking me, and for getting them to help too. I’ll find out what’s going on with Ray, I promise.”

Gabriel hesitated, face blank for a moment. “ _We_ will figure it out. It’s not your sole responsibility.”

“Okay,” Alec agreed. He really needed to get home now. Home and into his room with the door closed so he could close his eyes and let the thoughts piling up in his head just rush through him. It’d not be pleasant, but at least once he analysed the possibilities, he could be sure that his apprehension was just his faulty brain tugging at the alarm cord just to fuck with him, and not a real problem he had overlooked.

 

It was no wonder he’d overslept; they’d stayed out way too late the night before and, as nice as Lara and Adele had been, talking to strangers always drained him. Especially strangers who were judging him. Somehow he seemed to have jumped through the right hoops—and in the light of day he could admit Gabriel wasn’t completely mistaken: the conversation had been interesting and he hadn’t forgotten what he meant to say.

The smell of eggs and garlic hit him as soon as he opened his bedroom door, but it wasn’t enough to prepare him for the strange scene he found in the kitchen. Iesu was stirring the eggs in a frying pan and Irina seemed to be cutting the ingredients for a salad on the sideboard.

They were joking with each other with amiable intimacy. And Alec couldn’t understand a single word of it.

Irina realised he was there first and turned to wish him good morning.

“You guys…” he started to say, before he realised how dry his throat was. He glanced around and discovered a jar full of freshly squeezed orange juice. He served himself only enough to wet his mouth, not wanting to ruin what was clearly going to be a spread.

“You don’t mind, do you, Alec?” Iesu asked him. He was smiling, as usual, but he waited for Alec to meet his eyes and shake his head before he turned back to open the oven. The scent of bread wafted out.

“Did you _bake_?” Alec asked, too shocked for politeness.

“I did,” Irina clarified. “You can trust Iesu to do the easy stuff, but he’ll open the oven early and ruin bread _every_ time.”

Iesu shrugged. “That’s why I got you, right?”

Irina rolled his eyes at him and Alec realised the conversation between them would quickly devolve into their usual friendly antagonism if he didn’t stop it now. “I didn’t realise you guys spoke Romanian.”

“Sure,” Iesu answered. “We came over when I was—”

“I know,” Alec interrupted, but it made his packmate turn to him again and he looked surprised. “We have been living together for a year. I remember. You told me about learning English. I just… I guess I thought you didn’t anymore.”

Irina snorted, not looking up from arranging tomato and cucumber pieces on a plate. “Are you serious? You think our parents speak English at home?”

“Well, they must have learned too…”

“Only Romanian in the house,” Iesu explained. “Unless we were doing English homework.”

“Oh, that seems… I guess it’s good you still speak it.”

Iesu shrugged. “We do okay, but I’m a little rusty. We were so busy…”

Alec stomach turned. He didn’t really want to go visit his parents any more than once a month, but he hadn’t considered that the other members of his pack might miss their families. Iesu’s parents sounded strict but it was obvious their son missed them anyway. “You should go more often. Irina drives there every week, right?” he turned to her.

For once, her expression was closed off. “I do,” she admitted and he could have sworn she sounded reluctant.

Iesu seemed to miss it as he hunted for a bread knife in the kitchen drawers—it turned out they didn’t have one.

“Maybe we can have a barbecue now that the weather’s getting warmer,” Alec offered instead. The last thing he wanted was to meddle in their affairs.

“Oh, _meat_ ,” Iesu said with a dreamy look. “Are we allowed to do that or will Mistress Marissa demand veggies to balance things out?”

“Sure, she’s keeping your kids from developing scurvy, poor you,” Irina mocked.

Alec wasn’t sure it was actually true but he realised something else right then that mattered even more. “You should teach them!”

The cousins stared at him. “What?” Iesu asked.

“Romanian, to the kids. Kids learn languages just by listening: if both of you speak it around them and to them, it should be enough,” Alec explained.

“You want your kids to speak Romanian?” Irina asked. “What for?”

“Well, bilingualism is a great advantage to learn anything…” he started, then realised something else. “It’ll probably delay their English and mess up my data…” He shook his head and met Iesu’s shocked dark eyes. “But you should do it anyway, it’s too valuable to pass up.”

“Look, Alec—” Irina said in a tone that promised a dose of the realism she specialized in.

But her cousin spoke over her. “You sure you don’t mind about the study?” his tone was neutral, but in Iesu, who was always overly cheery, Alec could read his cautious as a sign of a deeper emotion.

“Yes,” Alec said. “I mean,” He put down his glass to be able to look away. “I’ll have more kids in it soon, Gabriel’s sorting it out. And this is important. I remember trying to learn French in school and I hated how hard it was, I’d have loved it if somebody just handed me that at a time when it was automatic to learn it.” He glanced up. “A bit like that thing they do in The Matrix, you know?”

Irina snorted, apparently unable to contain herself. She shrugged when Alec looked at her. “You are such a nerd, Alec,” she told him. It almost sounded fond.

Alec shrugged; it was hardly the first time he got called out for his passion for learning. It was maybe the one thing he had always liked about himself—people could notice all they liked.

“So, do we ask Ray?” Iesu checked, settling the cut bread on the centre of the table.

It was actually a fairly good question and Alec felt bad for not having thought of it. Ray might not like the idea of his kids speaking a language he couldn’t understand. “We can bring it up when they come down for breakfast,” he suggested. “I’ll go get them, since I didn’t have to cook.” He smiled at Iesu, not feeling quite right thanking him; it wasn’t really Alec’s official job to cook, just a personal preference the others indulged.

“You are welcome,” Iesu said, smiling back.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added a scene at the end of chapter 7. Not essential but you might want to check it out.
> 
> **EDITED to add: Very kinky/almost non-con sex ahead. Sorry I forgot to add the warning!**

#  Chapter eight – The Distant Past

Gabriel's studio was dominated by a huge futon. It was a relatively modern place, but small for people who’d grown up in the huge houses the pack built in their own territory—where back gardens were mostly open but were considerably more important than flat screen TVs, and children were expected to need space to run around the furniture. They could have run here, as long as they didn’t knock over the plastic chairs folded against the wall, or Gabriel’s shoe rack—neat but clearly unstable.

Alec wasn’t claustrophobic, but he stopped short once he stepped inside anyway. It did smell like Gabriel, at least, but it wasn’t…

“Yeah, I know,” Gabriel said. He turned the lights on and casually hung his jacket by a hook attached to the wall itself in the corner next to the front door. “Shoebox.”

“No!” Alec said at once, then, hearing his heart skip at the lie, stopped. “I know what the prices are like…”

Gabriel gave him an amused look over his shoulder, shrugging. “It does the job, and I sleep here like one night in two,” he explained, exuding easy confidence. Alec swallowed, trying to keep himself from reacting to that. It wasn’t like he’d thought Gabriel wasn’t still going to clubs and sleeping around… “It’s hard to resist going back to get fed,” Gabriel admitted, setting up two cups on his countertop for tea.

Fed? He was going back to pack territory? He did live awfully close.

“Sugar?” Gabriel offered.

Alec nodded. “No milk.” That made Gabriel hesitate, it was an add quirk to have in England, certainly. “Adults don’t need milk, and I get plenty of fat from meat.”

“But don’t you like it?” Gabriel asked easily as he finished preparing both their cups. He turned, leaning back against the side of the counter and offered the mug cupped in his palms. Alec stepped closer and took it, immediately relaxing as the warmth went through him.

He shook his head. “It tastes… sweet, but wrong?”

Gabriel laughed. “You don’t need to write a dissertation on why!” He took a sip of his own tea and sighed in contentment. It was close to four in the morning but he looked cheerful and full of energy. The moon helped—Alec had been too busy turning in paperwork for his summer internship to sleep much the previous night and he was until wide awake now, the tide buzzing under his skin—but some of it was simply Gabriel’s natural intensity. He caught Alec watching him and raised an eyebrow. “You want some crisps or something?”

And it must have been the influence of the moon, because the words spilled from his lips without hesitation. “No, I don’t want _to eat_.”

Gabriel’s eyes widened slightly, but he put his cup down on the counter behind him without taking his eyes away. “Get on your knees,” he whispered. Soft but clearly an order.

And Alec obeyed. He managed the move gracefully enough not to spill the rest of his own drink and set the cup aside on the cold kitchen tile. When he looked back up, Gabriel was contemplating him thoughtfully. He shivered. He knew that look by now, and it had yet to disappoint. The alpha had picked up his tea again and was sipping it slowly. He gestured at his crotch with his free hand, expression almost indifferent. “What are you waiting for?”

Alec exhaled, feeling the words run through him like a sword—inexorably reshaping everything they touched. He reached for Gabriel’s zipper. His cock under his briefs was bulging but only half-hard and Alec—who’d been burning slowly all night except for the few minutes after getting off—knew he couldn’t take the credit away from the moon. He didn't care. He went to lower the trousers further, but Gabriel’s free hand shot out and took hold of his wrist—hard and unforgiving. “Leave them. Just take it out.”

So Alec did, carefully pushing taking hold of the shaft and bringing it out of the dark cotton without exposing more than Gabriel’s hipbones. Gabriel sighed, the same pleased sound his first sip of tea had produced. “Yeah, go on then.”

Alec leaned in and pressed a kiss to the tip, then sucked the head in, the flavour bursting into his mouth and mind seemingly at once. There was something about come that just got to him, maybe because it’d been the first thing that had made him feel certain that all his thoughts about men were more than mere machinations of his mind to make him anxious. It’d been the first easy thing he’d got to have with another person, just touching their body in a way that could not be misread or misunderstood, giving pleasure without giving up anything he needed, without having to think about his actions. He took more than he could handle and half-choked on it despite the hand he’d kept at the base. Gabriel was a big man and his cock was a little bigger than proportion strictly demanded.

He heard the clink of porcelain on the counter and then Gabriel’s right hand slipped into his hair, massaging his scalp as he gulped for breath—protective but also… possessive. Alec licked around the base, long passes of his tongue that got progressively farther from his hand, wetting the impressive length of it so it’d be easier to take it all in. Because that’s what he wanted. Gabriel hummed his approval when he got back to sucking the head, then nudged him further, encouraging. Alec swallowed and let it go deeper into his mouth until it hit the back of his throat. He froze for a moment and the hand on his hair tightened, making him relax into the touch like a switch had been flipped. Gabriel hitched his hips forward a little, feeding him a little more before pulling back, and Alec swallowed against the reflex to gag, then breathed deep as he was allowed, preparing for the next thrust. Gabriel went deeper this time, and now his other hand was cupping Alec’s jaw. He scrambled for the back of Gabriel’s thighs to keep his balance—the alpha didn’t object to being touched, but it seemed to announce Alec was ready for more because the next thrust went not just deeper but harder.

Alec choked on it, body jerking as he tried to breath and swallow at the same time. “Shhhh…” Gabriel told him. He pulled back halfway out of Alec and massaged the side of his throat with his little finger to get him to relax. Alec inhaled through his nose and after a moment, Gabriel pushed back in. He didn’t go as deep, barely grazing the back of Alec’s throat before pulling back out and doing it again, and again. Alec swallowed compulsively, feeling spit dribble from the corner of his mouth but too concerned with air to care, and Gabriel kept going—again and again, alternating deep and shallow thrusts but going faster every time as he held Alec’s head at the right angle by the hair and the jaw.

Alec couldn’t concentrate enough to suck or lick, but it didn’t seem to matter. All he needed to do was breathe through it and Gabriel would be happy. He trembled in the alpha’s grip, feeling dizzy with the lack of air and still so heady that he could barely manage to stay on his knees by clutching at Gabriel’s jeans. His own cock was hard and throbbing, an insistent thrum he could ignore in favour of the white quietude of his mind and the need to focus if he didn’t want to choke again. His own body seemed almost removed, his trapped dick in his tight underwear a mere afterthought. It didn’t matter, it couldn’t matter. He whimpered around his mouthful when Gabriel’s hips stuttered as the alpha lost his rhythm for a moment and hit the back of his throat hard enough to hurt. He recovered at once, shifting to change the angle and rubbing Alec’s cheek in apology. Alec tried to suck him as he pulled out; it was the only response he could make.

Gabriel exhaled shakily, but tutted. “No, just let me,” he told Alec softly. He bent Alec’s head further back, pulling on his hair until he was panting at the ceiling, only the tip of Gabriel’s cock still in his mouth. Gabriel's eyes were dark, his face flushed. But he still sounded as certain as ever. “You don’t have to do anything. I’ll take care of it. Just breathe.”

He loosened his grip on Alec’s hair slightly and directed his face downwards again, pushing in as he did. Alec breathed, swallowing the salty flavour of precome along with his own spit as Gabriel’s thick shaft opened him up once again. Gabriel started moving faster, shallower thrusts that would have let Alec suck if he’d been allowed. It wasn’t hard to stay still for it, half wishing he could touch his own cock, but instinctively knowing he couldn’t move his hands from there they gripped Gabriel’s trousers.

The alpha’s grip on his face tightened and Gabriel started deepening his thrusts. Alec was ready to up his own game. He closed his eyes to be able to concentrate better as Gabriel went from moving in and out quickly to ramming into his mouth, making his eyes water as he struggled to breathe. His own grip went loose. He’d have fallen if Gabriel hadn’t been holding him up by the head—his mind was blank even as his body reacted and breathed through his nose. He could feel Gabriel’s cock throbbing with his imminent orgasm as it shoved all the way in. He’d have to swallow, of course he’d have to swallow: he was letting the alpha fuck his mouth—just breathing through his nose and focusing on not grazing him with his teeth.

When he came, Gabriel screamed, but that was lost in the background to Alec because as he did, he also shoved all the way down Alec’s throat and held himself there. Alec’s body rebelled at once: throat spasming, hands coming alive once more and shoulders jerking back in the unforgiving grip of Gabriel’s hands. But it was too fast, Gabriel was already coming and the pressure sent his seed down Alec’s throat, forcing him to swallow because there was nowhere else for it to go. His mouth closed, but not even the bite of teeth could stop the steady stream of alpha come going into him.

He lost a few moments to white panic or simple oxygen deprivation. The next thing he knew was that Gabriel was pulling out past his lips, spit and semen dribbling down his chin as he collapsed forward into his hands. Still between the alpha’s legs.

He was on his elbows, panting hard, before he noticed the strange lassitude that was descending over him. For a moment, he thought it was his brain recovering from the struggle, then he realised the insistent throb between his legs was gone. He pressed his thighs together, mostly in dazed wonder, and the mess of sticky come inside his underwear sent a shiver of aftershock through him. He’d… Gabriel hadn’t touched him. _Nobody_ had touched him and he’d…

Gabriel crouched awkwardly in the reduced space between Alec’s body and the counter and gently lifted him by his underarms, kneeling so that he could put his own arms under Alec’s. It meant Alec was basically on his lap when Gabriel put a hand to his chin and lifted his face to meet his eyes. He looked unsure, for once, a little frown of concentration between his eyebrows. “Are you okay?”

The question made Alec laugh, and then choke, because rapid healing or not, he’d just had his throat fucked raw. Gabriel scrambled for the teacup, and when Alec was just breathing hard again, brought it to his lips and tipped it so that it’d wet his lips. Alec let him, closing his eyes and drinking more deeply when Gabriel decided he was ready for it. The cup was about three quarters full, but Gabriel didn’t try to hand it to Alec, just held him up and helped him drink it in perfect silence for the next few minutes. Alec blinked his eyes open when no more sips came to find the alpha watching him.

“Okay?” Gabriel repeated, he was still holding onto Alec’s waist, Alec’s folded knees between his own.

Alec nodded, looking down to avoid his eyes and getting an eyeful of Gabriel’s cock, still shiny with his spit and possibly his tears. And he’d _come_ from that. Just from that.

Gabriel wasn’t sold, of course. He’d ignore Alec’s mind more colourful tricks so that Alec didn’t have to focus on them, but he wouldn’t miss real distress. “Fuck, I fucked up...”

Alec’s head snapped up, mouth open on a denial. Except he didn’t know if he wanted to deny it. He’d enjoyed it, he’d… He’d _loved it_. But that was the problem, wasn’t it?

“I…” He couldn’t say it. Gabriel had to know, he had to be able to smell it, and he’d have offered to help Alec out if he thought he hadn’t finished.

Gabriel pulled his hands back, pressing them rather awkwardly to the cupboard behind him. It meant Alec was left clinging to his clothing on his own and it made him raise his eyes for a clue. Gabriel’s face was devoid of all his easy charm. He looked almost blank without it, but Alec saw could see his pulse racing in his throat. Was he... worried? Afraid?

“Do you want me to help you stand up?” he asked in a controlled whisper.

Alec nodded, not quite understanding his reaction. But he did want to get off the cold tile, his knees were starting to resent him. Gabriel was as good as his word, getting him up with easy grace that seemed almost impossible for someone who’d been curled on the cold floor for the last few minutes. Once they were standing, Gabriel’s hands gave a last squeeze before he sidestepped away. For a moment, Alec wasn’t that sure he was stable enough to stand on his own. Gabriel was still close enough to reach. But it wasn’t necessary: Alec’s mind was reeling, but his body knew its business.

“Should I…” Once again, Gabriel trailed off. He wasn’t moving, or looking away. “Alec, can you speak? Just say one word.”

He had to swallow first, but he managed several. “I can speak.” His voice was rough, but nothing worrying. It’d be completely gone in a quarter of an hour.

Gabriel nodded, as if something had been confirmed. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

Gabriel’s eyes flickered briefly to him, but then he sighed and turned away. “I fucked up. I lost control.”

“You… no, you didn’t,” Alec said. He was sure of it, despite Gabriel’s incredulous look. “It was… It was a lot, but you’d have stopped if I had asked you to.”

Gabriel looked like he wanted to shake him, but he was still standing too far to touch him. “Alec, you _pulled_ _away_.”

“Yes, but…” He paused. But this was serious; he couldn’t let shyness or embarrassment get in the way. “But I came,” he said finally. It was fortunate Gabriel’s hearing was sharp because a whisper was all he could manage.

“That doesn’t mean you wanted it.” Gabriel's tone was vicious.

Alec clenched his eyes shut, even though he knew Gabriel wasn't angry _with him_. “But _I did_.” He had to clamp his mouth shut after the words were out to keep from retching. He couldn’t believe he’d said it. He couldn’t believe it was true.

Gabriel didn’t have an answer to that; Alec could hear his own breathing echoing around the room. The whole room smelled of their sweat and sex.

“Why are you so upset then?” Gabriel asked after what seemed a decade-long silence.

Incredulity warring with disgust, Alec turned to look at him. “Why am I upset that I just came because you fucked my mouth raw?”

Gabriel visibly tensed at his words, but his expression was softening into puzzlement. “You are not upset with me? You are upset because you liked it?”

“I shouldn’t have liked it!” He snapped, well past the end of his tether. Here was Gabriel, playing martyr and apologizing for something Alec…

“Oh, by the moon and the stars, Alec, you can’t help what gets you off,” he explained almost kindly. “But I shouldn’t have done it. I didn’t… I wasn’t thinking about whether you’d like it. I just… I couldn’t stop.”

“Is it because I’m a beta? You think it doesn’t matter because I’m not—”

“No,” Gabriel said firmly. “It is because you are a _person_ , and I was moon high and I made you do something you didn’t want. And I got off on it. _That_ is fucked up. You didn’t hurt anybody and you didn’t do anything wrong. Come on, you’re too smart not to see this!”

Alec exhaled, focusing his eyes on the fridge with its collection of magnets holding an uncanny number of take-away menus. “I need to go.”

“Alec…” Gabriel started to say, but he didn’t finish the sentence, and he didn’t follow when Alec started collecting his clothes. Alec pretended he didn’t feel him watching and then Gabriel actually went into the only other room in the flat—the bathroom—and left him to get dressed in peace.

A small part of him couldn’t help but worry that he’d change his mind and come out, but of course he didn’t, Gabriel was nothing if not decisive.

He probably wouldn’t talk to Alec again after this.


	9. Chapter 9

#  Chapter nine – The Recent Past

Alec stared at the message in front of him. The only male omega in the Lakeside pack had just answered his email about the questionnaire. The email didn’t say much, the man was in his fifties and probably didn’t think much of emailing as a form of communication. But the couple lines that were there were polite and to the point, he was attaching the completed questionnaire for omegas Alec had created.

He was almost afraid to open the file—if it didn’t have the information he needed, he’d be back to zero. He’d already received several questionnaires from female omegas from Lakeside and other packs, but male omegas were rarer and seemingly harder to engage in scientific enquiry. Paul had only agreed to do it as a favour to one of his mates’ favourite nephew. Alec had never met the man and Gabriel’s uncle had made it clear that he should not contact him in any other way than by email. Ray probably wasn't interested in talking to other alphas, but Alec couldn't imagine any of them restricting who he was allowed to talk to.

Maybe Gabriel should have been there for this, but he was nervous enough as it was without the alpha hovering over his shoulder, accidentally leaning against his back as Alec tried to concentrate.

The document took a small century to load as Alec prayed to the moon and all the gods he’d ever heard of that the formatting hadn’t gone to hell or the data somehow got corrupted. He exhaled shakily when he saw the familiar form filled with new information.

He should read it in order, it was the right way, but he scrolled down to the questions about heat cycles instead. If he hadn’t asked the right ones…

  1. **_In your experience, how much time passes between giving birth and your next heat? Does this vary depending on the number of children born?_** _At the beginning, it was about four months but it got longer the older I got. I cannot say if the number of children is important._



Damn, Alec thought, he should have asked him to specify how many children he’d had each time. Maybe he’d kept having one for each of his alphas every time and that was why he couldn’t tell, maybe it really made no difference… Maybe Gabriel would know or could find out without having to ask. Adele probably wouldn't object to listing her siblings.

  1. **_Have your alpha/s ever said their wolf is not interested in mating? When? What were the circumstances?_** _During late pregnancy._
  2. **_Have you found breastfeeding to be an effective contraceptive method? If yes, please give details._** _I’ve breastfed all my children for eight months so I cannot say if it makes a difference. It didn’t stop me conceiving when I went into heat, but I’ve heard from female omegas that stopped earlier that their heats returned sooner than usual._
  3. **_If you have more than one mate, have you ever conceived with just one of them? If yes, what was the effect on each of them from an instinctive point of view?_** _He was interested in sex, but he didn’t need to do it all the time._



Just then, Gabriel knocked on his door to ask about dinner. Alec asked him to come in without looking away from the report, then slammed the screen shut when it actually registered he wa sin the room.

“Is something wrong?” Gabriel asked. “Did I catch you looking at porn or something?”

“Um,” Alec had to swallow. His mouth was dry, as were his eyes. He couldn’t even fake a smile. He looked out the window but it was still too close to winter to tell him much more than it was after five. “I don’t know.”

He felt like he was somehow observing the situation instead of living it, there was an unreality to both Gabriel and his surroundings he couldn’t explain. That last question…

“Well, come on up,” Gabriel decided. “We need to get dinner ready on time and by the look of things, you’re going to need help.”

“I totally forgot,” Alec admitted, getting to his feet. He’d look at it after dinner, he decided. He couldn’t be sure yet. It didn’t… It wasn’t a fact until it’d been checked and double-checked. “I can’t even remember having lunch.” As if inspired by his words, his stomach rumbled.

Gabriel was standing right outside his door, examining him closely, but he didn’t say anything more as he led the way to the kitchen. He set down a plate and popped a couple slices of bread into the toaster, then went to the fridge for the ham and cheese. It was for him, Alec realised as Gabriel layered some onion chutney on the bread. And somehow, Gabriel knew exactly what he liked in a sandwich.

He managed to get to the sink, wash his hands, and fill the kettle up for tea before Gabriel was quite done.

“Come sit down,” Gabriel said when he put down the plate. “I’ll make the tea when it’s boiled.”

Alec wanted to complain that he could manage to make _tea_ —even if he’d apparently managed not to drink or eat for hours while he concentrated—but it was too much effort. He sat down and let Gabriel set up the cups in preparation.

“So what do I do for dinner? Should I check the freezer or did you have something in mind?”

Alec chewed and swallowed, feeling as if the food was literal energy being poured into him. It took him a moment to find an answer. “There’s chicken and peppers for fajita wraps. And onions.”

Gabriel took the things out of the fridge and the cupboard and started washing and prepping. Alec didn’t have anywhere else to look so it wasn’t like he was staring. Technically, he was supervising.

And then it stopped being technically and he gulped down his tea and got to his feet. “No, not that thin, we don’t want the vegetables to get soggy.”

He was not one for watching other people do the work he knew how to do better. He approached Gabriel and took hold of the hand holding the knife. “Let me do this and go peel some potatoes for chips.”

Gabriel’s hand was still in his and Alec let go, realising he’d immobilized the other man. Some alphas would have bitten his head off for daring to try and control their movements. Gabriel just nudged his body against Alec’s and offered up the knife. He could have just as easily left it on the cutting board, but then again, _Alec_ could have asked him.

Alec took it, painfully aware of their fingers touching and of the rich, sweet scent rising off Gabriel’s skin. The same scent he’d once learned to associate with mind-blowing orgasms. He pretended he didn’t hear his own heartbeat racing, and—more important still—that Gabriel wasn’t perfectly aware of what he was doing to Alec by standing so close. He couldn't control those reactions, but he wasn't going to make things awkward by trying to talk about it.

He put the knife down and walked across the kitchen, only realising at the last minute that the spices cupboard was there. Gabriel moved behind him: getting the potatoes out and water running to wash the dirt off them before peeling. Alec focused on collecting paprika, chilly, garlic, cumin, and curry and carrying them back. It wasn’t a difficult recipe—at least it wasn’t difficult when he could spare it a minimum of attention.

He started chopping up what Gabriel hadn’t gotten to yet, but there were a lot of them. He was calmer when Gabriel looked up from his own task and asked what kind of chips he wanted. He glanced towards the sink. “But you aren’t finished.”

“I just need a break from peeling,” Gabriel said. He sounded almost amused. “Is that okay with you, Alec?”

“Um, yeah, sorry,” Alec said at once. “I thought… Nevermind, we’re going to need the whole bag, that’s all. Cut them about finger size.” He raised his hand to show what he meant and Gabriel stepped forward and seized him by thumb, examining his fingers for long enough to send Alec’s heart careening towards an impossible goal.

“Ok,” Gabriel said calmly, letting go of Alec’s hand like he touched him that casually all the time. Alec wondered if it was meant as a reminder that _he_ wasn’t allowed to touch Gabriel… Maybe all the time they were spending together to get volunteers for the study was confusing them both, or confusing their wolves. Animals didn’t have a clear sense of time, or at least didn’t care about it, but they knew individuals by scent no matter how long ago they’d met them. So for Alec’s wolf, Gabriel was still a man who had… He yanked his mind out of that line of thought: the wolf might not have been able to see the line between lovers and friends could be redrawn, but Alec was very aware of what he and Gabriel were to each other now. Not only that, he needed Gabriel to complete the study, without him he’d have never got Paul to talk to him at all, much less give him the level of detail…

He winced as the edge of the knife sliced him, pulling his hand back with a pained sound and sucking on the sharp tang of blood.

Gabriel was at his side in an instant. “What happened?”

Alec pulled the finger out of his mouth, more self-conscious about the spit than about the accident. The cut was already knitting closed in front of their eyes. “Just thinking, and… Doesn’t matter. Let me just wash my hands.”

Gabriel stepped aside, but he didn’t go back to his own countertop. “Is this about what you were reading?”

“What? Well, it’s interesting,” he said. It was true, which was important because Gabriel would be able to tell otherwise. “But it’s a lot of information, and I need to find out something very specific so…”

Gabriel nodded, still looking worried. Alec understood, the more information he had, the less he believed there could be an innocent explanation to what was happening to Ray, and at least he was actively doing something to solve it. Gabriel must have been going stir crazy now that he’d talked enough people into participating that they could rely on their own volunteers to promote them. “But if you find something out, you will come to me, won’t you?”

“Yeah,” Alec said at once, unthinking. And the truth was: he hadn’t been thinking about telling Gabriel. He’d been thinking about discovering the truth, not about how to deal with it. “Yes, I don’t… I don’t want to tell Ray on my own. Don’t worry, you’ll be the first to know.”

That made Gabriel smile, that little fond curve of his lips that appeared when one of the babies did something achingly tender like cling to their legs or sniffle into their necks. Alec knew Gabriel cared about him but seeing that look hurt a little too because he didn’t want that tenderness, he wanted…

“Let’s finish this,” he said, looking away. “The potatoes need to be boiled to soften them before we drop them in the fat in the oven.”

“Yes, sir,” Gabriel said at once, a layer of amusement under his martial tone.

 

&

 

The babies were starting on solids so with Josh working late, each of them had their hands full trying to feed them while sneaking bites of their own meals. It was chaos, but organized chaos. And then a new voice broke through the bustle. “Ma!”

Alec’s head turned at once but for a second he couldn’t figure out who’d been. Maria didn’t make him wait long. “Ma!” she repeated, voice high but firm. She clearly wanted something but Gabriel had frozen in front of her, a look of wonder on his face.

Ray got to his feet from next to Alec, where he’d been feeding Mikey. Most of the time, they all looked after all of the kids but when they did dinner like this, they fed their own and Ray covered for whoever wasn’t around. Jamie made a gurgling sound next to Alec, breaking him out of his daze, and Alec offered him another small piece of chicken, which his son didn’t so much chew as swallow.

He glanced back at Ray, who was bending over Maria and repeating the word to her. She said it back once, but then just giggled, clearly pleased with the attention. Maria would be eight months in two weeks—it was extremely early for her to be talking according the child-reading books Alec had been reading. But of course, those were about humans.

He’d measured the time it took them to do puzzles and distinguish between shapes but it was hard to trust himself when he was applying knowledge he’d got from a classroom and books to very real babies. This, though, was undeniably a milestone.

Jamie splattered some of the pureed carrots Alec had been stupid enough to leave within reach. Alec sighed, pulling Jamie’s hands away so he could move the dish to a safer distance. “What about you, Jamie, are you planning on telling me you hate carrots any time soon?”

His son turned to watch him as he spoke, happy and bright eyed. There were no words from him, but he offered Alec a red pepper. Alec took it and popped it into his mouth, which made Jamie’s face scrunch up.

“Oh, okay, sorry,” he said at once, and reached for a new piece to share. Jamie tried to swallow it like he had the chicken and chocked on it. Alec got to his feet and palmed his back hard enough to dislodge it. It came out easily, whole as it was, but Jamie started crying anyway. Alec had him unstrapped and in his arms in an instant.

“Is he okay?” Ray was back, hovering protectively even as he cut some chicken and dropped it on Mikey’s plate.

Alec nodded, rocking gently. “I don’t think he’s quite got the chewing thing yet.”

“Oh, yeah,” Ray said. “That happens. I had to teach my little brother, he kept trying to swallow it all down. It’s because they’re used to a liquid diet.”

Alec wished he had a free hand to facepalm into. He was supposed to be a medical professional, but it hadn’t occurred to him a baby wouldn’t know how to chew instinctively.

“Give him here,” Ray asked and Alec turned to do it without a thought. Ray had practically raised his four younger siblings, he knew what he was talking about. “Can you…?” Ray tilted his head towards Mikey.

Alec took care to cut Mikey’s food in small pieces, but he kept glancing back at Ray. His omega was holding their son’s tiny jaw in his palm and putting a small piece of chicken between his lips, which Jamie gladly took in despite his recent misadventures. But Ray had his little finger lodged in the corner of Jamie’s mouth, right between his gums.

Alec leaned sideways to get a better look: it seemed Ray was pushing his thumb against Jamie’s little teeth while he spoke to him in a low soothing voice. He used his other hand to take the chicken from Jamie’s mouth and pressed that against his gums, then removed his fingers and gently closed Jamie’s jaw over the food. Jamie struggled a little and Ray let go, rubbing at his light hair—Alec had never liked it on himself, but he was proud of the tinges of red in Jamie’s blond head.

If he’d expected a magical transformation, he’d have been disappointed. But Ray didn’t seem fazed when Jamie swallowed the piece whole again. He gave Jamie some mash, then tried again. He seemed happy enough to repeat the process as many times as necessary, even as the other babies finished eating and the alphas started cleaning up. Alec made sure Mikey had eaten enough before removing him from his high chair. Except for his bib, he was clean. Josh was goddamned lucky; Jamie would have food down his clothes and in his hair. Once, Alec had found a pea in his son’s _ear_.

“You’re a good boy,” he told Mikey, cradling him close. The boy buried his nose in Alec’s neck with a happy sound, clinging to his half orange shirt. He hoped he wasn’t getting any mash on Mikey’s clothes—Marisa had taken over laundry duties and she did not take kindly to them being careless and adding to her already considerable workload.

“Thanks for dinner, Alec,” Iesu told him as he walked out with a pile of dishes.

“Oh, um, Gabriel helped.”

That made Iesu stop long enough to give him a look. “Did he?”

“Ah, yeah, I was… I was researching and I kinda forgot,” he explained, rocking Mikey and wishing he was larger so Alec could hide behind him.

“Well, I guess the old man had to learn to cook for himself,” Iesu joked. Alec smiled, mostly to get him to go, but he remembered Lara telling him that Gabriel had kept returning to his parents’ place for meals after moving out to the studio. Maybe Gabriel _could_ cook, but he didn’t because Alec had said he enjoyed it and had taken over most of the cooking duties. And now there was Marisa too, but she was happy enough telling them what the meals would be and what needed to be bought to make them. She could cook if needed, but she had plenty of other things to do with her time.

The girl was only seventeen, and even knowing how efficient and capable her older brother was, it was hard to believe that she’d showed up and taken to managing their household like it was nothing. Even Irina was happy to listen to her.

“Alec?” Ray called him.

Alec went to him, Mikey warm and secure against his chest. “Yeah?”

“Did you see what I did?”

“Hold his teeth open with your little finger, place the food between his teeth, and then remove your finger and pressed his jaw closed over the food so he can feel it breaking down.”

Ray stared for a moment, then laughed. “Man, you’ve got good memory!”

“Thanks,” Alec said, smiling a little and trying not to blush. He rubbed his face against Mikey’s hair, soft and silky, and smelling of that softness only babies had.

“So, anyway, if you try and do that every meal, at least a couple times? It should help him get the hang of it.”

“Will do, thanks.” He eyed Jamie, who was now using his fork to draw on the mash Alec had forgotten to clean at the corner of his tray. “Do you want to swap a baby covered in food for a clean one?”

Ray looked back at Jamie, then nodded, looking relieved. “Yeah, I think your whole outfit needs to go in the wash at this point, so…”

Mikey clang to Alec for a moment when Ray tried to take him, but then Ray said his name very softly and something in Mikey’s brain clicked and he remembered he preferred Ray to anybody else in the universe. Alec didn’t mind, all the babies felt that way and it was only natural when even if they didn’t actually remember, it had been Ray who’d always kept them safe.

Jamie wasn’t as messy as usual, maybe because Ray hadn’t really let him eat on his own much, so after he removed the bib and cleaned his hands with a napkin, Alec could have picked him up without adding to the tragedy of his shirt. Maybe he just needed a bib of his own, or at least an apron—at most a biohazard suit. It didn’t really matter, once he had Jamie’s heavier frame lodged against his hip, there wasn’t much Alec wouldn’t have given for this. He bounced him a little and Jamie obligingly laughed—carefree and completely unaware of all the bad things the world was full of.

If only Alec could know he’d stay that way.

“Are you coming?” Ray asked, interrupting his thoughts. “The bath should be ready. So Iesu and Sergi must be soaked by now.” He raised both eyebrows suggestively. “Always a good show.”

Alec laughed, surprised at Ray’s good mood. He’d been doing a lot better right before… the incident, and lately he seemed to be going back to that lighter mood. It was like he could see the little things again, the funny accidents of everyday life, the shirtless hot guys getting soaked by five squealing babies, the small kindnesses they offered each other without expectation of reward, the simple fact of their affection for him.

And if he was right, Alec was going to take that away from him. Again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... were you surprised? One of my betas swears it's not totally obvious, I'm curious as to what you all think :)


	10. Chapter 10

#  Chapter ten – The Distant Past

Alec didn’t like thinking about that night in the studio. Or well, he was fine thinking about the sex—whatever boundaries they'd crossed, Alec's whole body was in agreement that it had been one of the hottest moments of his sexual history.

So he'd run away. That's what he'd always done when he was overwhelmed and he'd been overwhelmed enough he couldn't even face going home to his parents.

He’d got home at around six in the morning, nodded at Nathan—after his shock at finding Alec with Gabriel, he hadn’t said a thing about Alec’s choice of partners. Nathan had said something Alec hadn't heard and he'd shrugged in response. He’d probably asked how Alec was anyway. Like Alec knew, or could say.

And then he’d got the text. Gabriel had waited a whole two days to send it but he couldn’t quite go back to his affable and casual tone.

[You okay? I can back off, just tell me. I'm really sorry about what happened.]

For a moment, Alec actually thought about saying yes. Gabriel was right, of course, in the cold light of day, Alec was way too smart not to see that it was Gabriel who’d fucked up by not stopping. Alec liking it didn’t have any bearing on that, no matter how embarrassing it felt. Gabriel could do it again, and Alec would probably like it again too, and if he didn’t know which of those options scared him more… But he couldn’t quite forget the blissful blankness that’d descended upon him while he’d been letting Gabriel fuck his mouth.

And Alec couldn’t quite stop wanting it as his mind circled again and again over the words he’d said, the way he’d looked, all the million ways in which he’d done the wrong thing, showed the wrong emotion… He exhaled, made himself concentrate on the problem at hand: Gabriel was an alpha and he liked to dominate during sex, and that had made Alec feel okay in his own head for the first time in ages. Even two days later, he couldn’t quite forget how good it’d felt to feel his muscles unwind, his body freeing him from the tension that had plagued his waking hours for as long as he could remember.

He wanted that.

It was nothing like what he was supposed to want. Not even omegas, who were meant to be inclined to submission, would enjoy being hurt like Gabriel had hurt him. But he did anyway. And Gabriel wanted it too, even if he felt guilty about what he’d done.

He wouldn’t need to feel guilty if Alec said yes beforehand. He felt like an addict saying yes to another hit, the moment he allowed himself to say yes, it was like all his strings had been cut. He leaned his head down on his desk, uncaring of the laptop or his notes, and just _breathed_.

It felt like he finally could.

 

&

 

He gave himself a deadline—before dinner—to text Gabriel back. He ended up having to do it because he was too hungry to wait any longer. But he did do it.

[I’m ok. Call me later.]

He didn’t know what he meant by later, and the more he thought about it as he dropped some pasta into boiling water and opened a pot of sauce, the less he knew what he’d say when Gabriel called. He could have simply texted… but of course if he had the option of stopping halfway, he would. He was almost sick with his need for Gabriel to know, but the idea of _telling him_ was terrifying. It was a catch-22 of epic proportions—the usual sort his brain set up just for his delight.

And Gabriel was like the sword cutting through the Gordian Knot.

“Hey,” he was attempting to sound casual but Alec didn’t miss that he sounded softer than usual, not as cocky.

“Hi,” he answered.

“Oh,” Gabriel said. “Your voice is back to normal. I thought… Well, I’m glad.”

If he’d been there to see him, Alec would have shrugged. With accelerated healing, he'd been physically recovered soon after it'd happened. It hadn't been that keeping him from speaking, though.

“Yeah,” he said instead, as non-committal as he could.

“Listen, I know it’s hard for you to talk about this, but I won’t… I am glad I didn’t hurt you, and that you didn’t feel…” He swallowed. A small part of him wanted to interrupt, to tell Gabriel that he _had_ hurt him, that that was the _point_. “I’m glad it worked out okay, but that doesn’t change the fact that I messed up big time.”

“I know.”

Gabriel exhaled, and when he spoke again he sounded _relieved_. “Thank the moon, I thought you had lost the plot somewhere… Fuck, okay, I didn’t mean it like that. I am more sorry than I can say. I swear. The moon was… No, wait, it’s not the moon. It was me. I am really, really sorry and if I can fix it somehow. If you—”

“Yes,” Alec cut him off. He needed to, he didn’t think he could manage to explain, so he had to use what Gabriel was telling him to get his own point across.

“Yes?” Gabriel echoed. Then, when Alec didn't say anything else, he added, “Yes… you will not stop talking to me?”

“Yes.”

“And you want to keep having sex with me?”

“Yes.”

He exhaled and Alec could almost see his normally proud posture slumping. “Okay, that’s good. I’m glad. But… We need some rules.”

Alec hesitated. He didn’t think he wanted rules, but he couldn’t deny that they probably needed them. Gabriel probably couldn’t do permanent damage no matter how much he choked Alec—Alec’s wolf wouldn’t let either of them go that far—but he could see how rattled Gabriel was by this. It wasn’t fair to ask him to do it—not even if it got him off—if he’d have to feel like shit about it afterwards.

“Okay,” he said.

He didn’t say any more. If Gabriel wanted rules, he was going to have to come up with them. Alec had nothing to go on.

But the alpha seemed out of sorts, unusually uncertain. “Okay,” he echoed Alec’s response. “Then I’ll… should I write it down? Or do you want to talk about it?”

Alec’s fingers tightened on his phone as his mind raced for an acceptable answer. The only thing that came to mind was ‘no’. He could agree to Gabriel’s offers if asked, but to actually discuss the details… When he didn’t say anything, Gabriel tentatively added, “Did you know there are contracts for this kind of thing?”

“Contracts?” he repeated, so surprised the word came out without him meaning to.

Gabriel chuckled, not completely relaxed but closer to normal. “Yeah, I know, it’s nuts, but… actually, it makes sense. That way things are clear before you start and then we’d both know it’s safe.”

Safe… He wanted that. It was just that it wasn’t Gabriel who worried him. In fact, when they were together, he felt calmer than any other time. He knew Gabriel was happy to take charge and that he didn’t mind when Alec couldn’t articulate his own thoughts. It was easy to let him choose, and it felt… it felt safe, because even though they had only really known each other for a couple of months, Alec knew Gabriel would make the right choice. He didn’t know why he could trust him so much more than he could trust himself, but even when his mind was playing twenty questions about every single decision Alec made, it never did when it came to Gabriel’s decisions.

A part of him knew it was wrong; he was an adult and he should decide for himself. But another part, a bigger part, just wanted the relief too badly to care. He wasn’t hurting anybody, and Gabriel was going to make sure not to hurt him.

“Write it,” he said. His heart was beating fast, but steady. It wasn’t that he wasn’t afraid, he was, the worry gripping at his insides like a vice… But he was sure, too, that Gabriel would come through for him. Soon, he’d see the contract and he’d know what Gabriel wanted, what he could have. And maybe, just maybe, it would be enough.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, got distracted launching the book and stuff. Also going back to work, I was really looking forward to it but I feel like someone removed all my bones now.

# Chapter eleven – The Recent Past

Alec made sure they were alone and that someone else was in charge of the babies and housework. He couldn't change what he had to say, but at he could make sure Gabriel had some space and privacy to digest it. Alec could even leave his own room to him if it looked like that's what Gabriel needed.

“I… I have a question,” he said, just like he'd prepared. He didn’t manage to look up and meet Gabriel’s eyes, couldn’t even fix his eyes somewhere on his face. For once, it wasn't that he didn't want to be seen; he was afraid of what he’d see on Gabriel's face. “You are not going to like it.”

“Okay,” Gabriel said after a charged moment. “What is it?”

“It’s about Nicholas,” Alec said. He didn’t want to spring the actual question on Gabriel. It’d be bad enough to make him remember that day as it was.

There was a creak and when Alec looked up he saw Gabriel had crushed the phone in his hand.

He got to his feet, reaching out instinctively. “Fuck, gimme…”

Gabriel dropped the remnants of the phone—screen cracked, case in three pieces—on Alec’s bureau, and shook his head. “Ask me.”

Alec froze, watching his hands. Afraid. He was afraid. He didn’t think Gabriel would hurt _him_ , but he looked ready to hurt _someone_. Nicholas’ Alpha friends were all out off their reach, though, so he swallowed and made himself say it, “What did Nicholas do to Ray exactly?”

Gabriel—easy-going and strong, impassable example of an alpha—turned his head away and exhaled a high pitched sound of pain. He was breathing hard, fists clenched and body tense as if he was fighting a great force bent on sending him to his knees. He won but when he spoke, it was clear it had not been easy. “He… he was on top of Ray.” Gabriel swallowed. “He… he was moving. I only saw it for a few seconds from afar, and then Ray went crazy and…” Alec needed to touch him so badly it hurt, just put a hand on his shoulder. Anything. Anything that would take that broken expression off his face. “Ray took hold of his throat. Only his nails were out. By the time I got there, he’d already bled out.”

Alec swallowed, revulsion and satisfaction mixing in his mind, and then he remembered why he’d asked and he dry-heaved, taking a stumbling step back and almost knocking over his desk chair.

Gabriel straightened at once. “What’s wrong?”

But Alec couldn’t open his eyes. He’d thought he was ready to find out, to be sure… But he’d been wrong. This was worse than anything he could imagine. It wasn’t just the facts, but the endless possible consequences—all terrible, all heartbreakingly unfair.

Gabriel took hold of his upper arms, shook him once. “ _Alec_ ,” he demanded. “Breathe. Breathe with me.” He didn’t sound anywhere near calm himself, but he still knew the exercises, and Alec still knew how to listen to his voice when nothing else in the world existed. He breathed. In and out. In and out until the world wasn’t all white noise and he remembered to stand on his own power.

Gabriel didn’t let him go, though. Not even when Alec raised his head and they ended up close enough to… “Sit down.” He walked Alec backwards until he found his seat and didn’t loosen his hold until he was firmly settled.

“I’m sorry,” he said, stepping back and crossing his arms. They bulged against his chest, but that didn’t quite disguise the fact that he was holding himself. “I shouldn’t have told you that.”

It took Alec a long few breaths to figure out what he was talking about. Gabriel thought it was the description of Nicholas’...death that had made him panic. He didn’t want to tell him the truth—he didn’t want the truth to exist—but there was no way of letting him walk out of that door with that weight on his shoulders adding to everything else. Not even if Alec hadn't promised him he'd tell him first.

“It wasn’t...” He had to swallow and fix his eyes on his lap to keep himself from trembling too hard to speak. Even so, his voice was barely a whisper. “If... It confirmed my theory, about what’s wrong with Ray.” He stopped, gripping himself hard enough to hurt. It almost felt good. Fair. Because this would rip Gabriel to shreds, and Ray...

“It wasn’t the full moon,” Gabriel said, but not even he could make it convincing.

“It was close enough,” Alec told the floor. He felt almost okay, too detached from his own body and mind to hurt.

He expected further denials, a truth as terrible as this deserved them. Because if he hadn’t been certain, that is what he would have done.

None came.                     

“Are you sure?” Gabriel asked, voice almost flat.

Alec managed a nod. It wasn’t just that it explained everything else, but that it was exactly the way Paul had said his alpha had acted when he’d been carrying his other alpha’s child. It made a twisted sort of sense: an alpha wolf didn't need to be intimate with an omega carrying someone else's child. The wolf probably felt it was someone else’s responsibility to protect and guard its mate.

“I’ll tell him,” Gabriel said, sounding like he was swallowing glass, determined to do it because it was the right thing to do. Sure of himself even when he'd failed so completely. When _they_ had failed so completely. He turned to go.

“Gabriel…” Alec said.

Gabriel looked back, but didn’t speak. Maybe he just couldn't find the words anymore. Maybe he knew he'd need them for Ray.

“It was not your fault, you know that, don’t you?” He didn’t know where he’d found the strength to speak, let alone speak of this.

“Please, don’t.” Gabriel's expression shattered, turning angry. No, not angry, exactly, disdainful. He'd never looked at Alec like that before and it took Alec a moment to understand that he wasn't. He wasn't meeting Alec's eyes, he was just looking over his shoulder. Because the anger was not for him. It was for Gabriel himself. “I left and I didn’t even manage to help him. Of course it’s my fault. He should have never been taken in the first place. I should have known.”

“You would have known,” Alec pointed out. “If he’d taken you as First Alpha.”

Gabriel sneered. “Me? After this fuck-up you think I should be First Alpha?”

“No,” Alec said. “But if he’d had someone, that person would have known he was in distress. That is why First Omegas have mutual bonds. They are in a position of power and that means they are in danger.”

“Are you saying it was Ray’s fault?” Gabriel asked, barely banked fury sparkling from his lips.

“No,” Alec responded calmly. “We all know whose fault this was. He died for it.”

“He deserved worse,” Gabriel bit out.

“Maybe. But you deserve better…. You and Ray. You did the best you knew how.”

Gabriel didn’t answer, just watched him for a moment, then exhaled. “I appreciate it, but…”

“No,” Alec interrupted, getting up. It was almost incomprehensible to him that minutes earlier he had been close to tears, now he felt right, certain in a way he associated with numbers and data, not other people. But he was telling the truth and he needed Gabriel to believe it. “I’m serious. You fucked up and you are making it up to him. You got _omegas_ to talk to _an alpha_ about their sex lives! And now we’ve figured it out.”

“Figured it out?” Gabriel asked despairingly. “That Nicholas screwed him over even more than he knew? Do you think he’s going to be grateful for that?”

Alec flinched, looking down. “It’s the truth.”

“It’s…” Gabriel swallowed audibly. He wanted to say it wasn’t enough, Alec knew. It was also true, but it was the kind of truth you only flung about to hurt and Gabriel was not the kind of man who used words as a weapon. He’d subject himself to his impossible standards, but not Alec.

“It is,” he said finally. “But it will hurt him. _I_ will hurt him.”

His words broke Alec from his stasis, he stepped forward and took Gabriel by the hands, holding on hard. Gabriel stiffened, probably surprised another alpha would touch him like that. But he didn’t pull away.

“We’ll tell him together,” Alec found himself saying, mouth dry and heart beating madly. He couldn’t tell if it was fear of the future or the present: this moment when Gabriel could pull his hands away, could reject not just Alec’s love but his friendship.

But he didn’t. He met Alec’s eyes straight on, so close the green striations in the blue were visible, and he nodded. “Okay.”

Alec nodded back, then loosened his hold, lowering his eyes as he pulled back and Gabriel didn’t open his hands all the way—rough calluses caressing Alec’s unspoiled hands.

He wanted to look up. He wanted... But it wasn’t right. He’d thought it’d never be again. But maybe... But not when they had to go tell a man they both loved something like this.

“Is Josh home? He should be with Ray.”

 

&

 

Josh wasn’t back from his shift yet, but Iesu took one look at Alec’s face and knew something was wrong. “Alec, what?"

“He can’t tell you,” Gabriel cut him off at once, his usual good manners forgotten.

“But he could tell you?” Iesu demanded, closer to aggression than Alec had ever heard him before.

“I didn’t have to tell him,” he said, before the confrontation could turn into a real fight.

“Is this about the babies?” Iesu asked and took Alec’s flinch as confirmation. “Alec, I swear by the moon, if you are keeping...”

“Drag.” It was Sergi and the word made no sense until Alec realised it was Romanian. He thought it might have been a term of endearment, but whatever it was, Iesu turned to him at once.

“You don’t get it, they...”

“They are our pack,” Sergi said firmly. “You don’t speak to pack that way.”

That deflated Iesu enough for him to turn to Alec, teeth gritted. “I’m sorry, but can you please tell me what’s wrong with them?”

The plea felt like something ripping at Alec’s heart. He didn’t know Iesu that well, but he'd always been kind and he knew exactly the terror he was experiencing. “The babies are fine. It’s...”

Gabriel stepped closer and took hold of his arm. “Don’t, it’ll be hard enough as it is.” He turned to the others. “You will know by tonight, but we need you to look after the babies. Not yet. We’ll talk to Ray as soon as Josh gets back.”

“Fuck,” Iesu muttered, covering his eyes with his palm. In the blink of an eye, Sergi was pressing close to him. Iesu turned into the embrace and clung to him—as instinctive as shifting into a wolf. For a moment all Alec could do was watch his curved back, the tension and the pain and Sergi's arms keeping it all from overwhelming him. He was so jealous he felt sick with it. He wanted to be held too. Gabriel's grip on his arm tightened and Alec looked up and met his eyes.

“It will be okay,” the other alpha promised him. Sure and solid. He was once again himself.

Alec could only nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drag = darling/dear. Hopefully, I didn't mess up the Romanian. I thought I could risk a single word but it might need declining. (If I did, please tell me!)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra chapter to make up for the wait!

#  Chapter twelve - The Distant Past

Once he was finished with every group project and every field trip and he’d gone home for the weekend.  His parents wanted him to move back in during the summer, but he’d got an internship in a pharmaceutical company in the city, so they’d compromised on a lot of visits.

It’d been June and sweltering—no global warming, his arse!—in a way English people and English buildings were not really designed for. So they’d all been out, eating barely seared meat off a grill nobody wanted to man.

And in the crowd milling about the backyard they were occupying that day—there took turns to host—an omega had brushed his hand.

It’d felt like being zapped, and like sex, too. But Alec would have taken the sharp pain, as if he’d stepped through a sheet of glass completely naked and gotten a million invisible cuts, over the intense and sudden arousal. He’d looked up and met the startled eyes of a young girl—definitely in secondary school—it’d taken him a moment to recognize the younger daughter of one of his parents’ friends. And then he’d picked up her scent, which had changed from the slightly flowery—crushed petals, since most werewolves found human scents revoltingly strong—to heady and intense, like warm syrup over… He’d taken a stumbling step back even as he saw the recognition on her face.

 _No_ , he’d told himself, his wolf. _No, I’m not_. But even as he turned tail and fled the party for his house, he knew. He wasn’t hard anymore, but his nipples were, and he couldn’t quite push aside the shivery sensation a single brush of skin against skin had awakened. He’d wanted her, he thought, shaking even after locking his bedroom door. And for the first time, he couldn’t lock whatever was scaring him out.

For the first time, it wasn’t the thought of other people making his heart race and his palms sweat. It was him. His own body, betraying him even more thoroughly than he’d thought possible, as completely as the world had. He’d never felt anything but tenderness for a female before, no matter her reputed beauty, but now his wolf… It made him sick. The idea of going through it again, of being there while his body _reacted_...

He'd been too afraid to shift, which was his last resource when he felt like his heart was about to squeeze out of his chest through his throat, so he'd curled up under his desk, pressing himself hard against the sides to convince his stupid body that he was safe, that nothing could come and attack him from any direction.

It had worked eventually. At least he'd managed to get up and leave the house for his car and drive himself back without crashing.

 

&

 

[Wrote you something] Gabriel had texted and Alec had felt such _rage_ surge through him that he hadn’t even known what was happening until he was watching the pieces of his phone by his bedroom wall, screen cracked, battery halfway across the room, copper showing… He had to close his eyes at the sight, feeling so guilty about his loss of control he could barely breathe. He knelt on the floor, breathing in and out as slowly as he could manage while he tried to stop shaking. He wasn’t even sure if he was angry, or sad, or… Was this what being an alpha was like? Was that why Gabriel had lost control during the full moon?

Oh, goddess, had he somehow triggered his own presentation by submitting to another wolf like that? If he had known who to beg for an answer, he’d have been on his knees at their feet. But there was no one. There were no answers. Nobody bothered studying how werewolves worked, either in packs or alone; what was the point when their instincts told them what to do and they never got sick anyway?

He’d been told that so many times… and of all the things he doubted, he did not doubt that was a lie. It was a stupid lie told by people too lazy to want to know themselves, or to even try to change their own lives for the better.

It was the reason Alec was studying medicine—he did not, after all, know a single human he wanted to heal—and now he needed to answer even more questions. He didn’t know how long he could take not knowing, how long he could study them while wondering about himself. And now it was even worse because it didn’t matter how flexible Gabriel was… he was never going to touch Alec again after this.

Even if he’d wanted to, Alec’s wolf wouldn’t allow it. Not in the ways Alec wanted to be touched.

It was better to let it go than to ruin it. It could be a good memory, it could be enough to know it was possible to feel okay with another person. He didn’t need it to last forever, he’d had enough.

 

&

 

His parents had been angry that he’d left the party, more so when he’d left pack territory and rushed back to his flat.

And then Christine must have said something, because his mother had called him crying and while Alec listened in stunned silence, she’d congratulated him on presenting. He hadn’t hung up on her, but he hadn’t managed much more than monosyllables in response.

And it hadn’t mattered. Because for the first time in his life, he hadn’t been her disappointing only child whose only redeeming quality were his grades. He’d just become exactly what she’d always wanted; and he hated it. But a lifetime of not being good enough had left Alec with enough negotiating skills to make it clear he’d not be returning to the pack until he finished his degree, so at least he had two years of freedom left.

It’d felt like enough, just like closing his door and putting on headphones with music loud enough to damage his sensitive ears felt like enough most days. But it wasn’t. He could escape the pack and its wandering omegas with their pheromones, and he could refuse to transform so that his wolf got pushed further and further down even in his mind. But he couldn’t control its new instincts completely.

Alec had been a horny teenager, and it was _nothing_ on being a horny alpha. It made him want to crawl out of his own skin, but worse still, it made him want to touch other people. It made him miss Gabriel all the more, and the worst part was that he couldn’t tell whether he missed the sex or the man.

He didn’t know what was more pathetic: to be an alpha who refused to have sex, or to be an alpha who refused to have sex because he was in love with another alpha.

When he got his phone back, there were more texts. He read them, of course. He didn't throw his phone away, just dropped it on the floor next to the bed. He buried his face in the sheets and only realised he was looking for Gabriel's scent when he got a faceful of floral conditioners his flatmate had left on the machine.

He didn't cry, and he didn't rip the sheets. He didn't answer, and he didn't answer and then, after a couple of weeks of feeling like he was about to fall off a cliff and actually call Gabriel back and... he didn't know what he could do: beg? Offer anything if he'd give it a chance? It didn't matter, the rumour mill did its job even for a recluse like Alec because Gabriel stopped calling.

He knew then. It was over.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, life happened but just to be on the safe side, here's the last 2 chapters. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts/feels :)

#  Chapter Thirteen – The Future

He had heard Josh bring Ray back inside very late that night. By the sound of it, he was in Ray’s room with him, which made it a little more bearable to think about.

Not much. There wasn’t much in the world that could erase the pain on Ray's face, the way he’d screamed in utter, unstoppable rage because it was the only way he could handle the agony he was going through... Alec felt like the words were etched in the pathways of his brain, indelible and forever. It was hard enough with normal fuckups, but this... Anybody would have been upset, but Alec couldn’t even _think_. Or rather, he could think. He couldn’t stop thinking. Of all and every single way in which Ray would tell him to leave, ask him to go back to their original pack and leave him the fuck alone—mating bond be damned. Alec would do it. He had to, he owed Ray that and more after how absolutely he’d failed him. But right or not, the idea of tearing off layers of his own skin until he was nothing but bones—the weakest version of himself, and the truest…

A knock startled him into awareness. He was in his room (for now) and none of it had happened yet. From the silence from next door, he assumed Ray had fallen asleep. At least the babies had stopped crying—they could still feel Ray’s strongest emotions quite clearly, even when Ray wasn’t shouting them at the top of his voice. It hadn’t made a difference that Sergi, Iesu and the betas had all taken them to the beta wing, where they shouldn’t have been able to hear the four of them even if they raised their voices.

Of course, just because it hadn’t happened yet, it didn’t mean it wouldn’t happen soon. Even the most rational part of Alec’s brain had trouble seeing how he could get through this without paying his debt… For a moment, he seriously considered hiding under his desk and pretending he wasn’t in. Then his brain caught up with him and he realised it was Gabriel outside his door. Alec could hear his distinctive heartbeat from across the room—not as calm as it usually was but not desperate like it’d been…

He was torn between the equal impossibilities of moving off the bed and speaking.

“Alec?”

Gabriel’s voice shocked something in him awake.

“Come in,” he called, voice so strangled it was just a whisper.

But Gabriel was listening. The door creaked as it swung open slowly. Alec swallowed hard but looked up. He needed to know what Gabriel was thinking. The other alpha stepped back into the door, closing it and leaning back against it and, for the first time, it was he who looked away. He fixed his gaze on the ceiling, neck exposed, shoulders drawn.

He was too beautiful for words, even hurting. “So that went well,” he said dryly.

Alec didn’t answer. He didn’t have much energy and there wasn’t a right answer anyway. Sighing, Gabriel looked back down. “Can I...?” He licked his lips, glanced to the side. No, towards the bed.

Alec's arm extended in invitation. He hadn’t consciously decided to do it, but it was worth it when Gabriel smiled. Tired, but real. He stepped forward hesitantly, like he thought Alec would take it back.

Alec hadn’t seen the doubt before, but was that because it hadn’t been there? Gabriel stopped at the foot of the bed, his knee touching Alec’s. It was almost impossible to reconcile him with the man that had held him down without even asking.

It had been such a long time ago. A lifetime.

But he wasn’t a different person. Or if he was, it was not he alone who had changed. Alec pulled him down with a firm tug at his shirt. Gabriel sat, making the mattress bounce under his bulk. Alec's fingers twitched to touch his skin, but Gabriel wasn’t even looking at him.

“I shouldn’t have let you come with me,” he told Alec softly.

Alec thought of the way he couldn’t stop thinking about Ray’s words of recrimination... Every single one like a stab of self-hatred and disgust. He imagined not actually having heard them, being protected and shielded. He knew Gabriel wouldn’t be analysing each word three times every hour for a month. But he couldn’t unsee Gabriel’s stoic expression in front of Ray, the distress he hid transparent to them all in his racing pulse, or the defeated lines of his body against Alec’s door. He had got too close; he couldn’t miss his pain, and he couldn’t see it without wanting to _be_ the shield.

“No,” he said. “It was right. It was our work... We had to do it together.”

Gabriel turned to look at him, eyes hooded but lips slightly parted. Alec didn’t look away. They were too close but he didn’t lean back either. He stayed where he was: true to his words, true to his feelings. His chest hurt a little and he was having to work to breathe normally; but he was done. He wanted to know. He knew it had to show on his face—all his fear and uncertainty, the sheer terror of taking such a risk—but he didn’t look away. He didn’t hide. And then it was too late because Gabriel had been watching him for too long not to have seen. Alec exhaled a little shakily, almost relieved to be past safety, past retreat.

Gabriel swallowed, pressing his lips together for a moment in a way Alec couldn’t help but watch. His stubble made his jaw look delicate, softer than it really was, but it was his eyes that really gave him away. Alec didn’t know how he’d missed it for so long: the hunger there, the loneliness. When he spoke, his voice was rough, “Tell me to stop.”

He stayed like that, still, almost suspended in time, and Alec didn’t speak, for a beat and then two, until it was simply too much to bear. He thought Gabriel might have leaned in first, but he couldn’t tell—to Alec it felt like his body was collapsing into Gabriel’s, the tension in his muscles abandoning him so that he had no choice but to clutch at Gabriel’s arms as their mouths crashed together. Clumsy for a second and then clumsier still as the kiss turned hard and wild, out of control, beyond control. It was like a wave washing away everything that was weighing him down: the thoughts that circled and cycled until he could barely stand to be in his own head, the fear holding him still, holding him back. It was all just rushing through him like a sword—painful but true. **A truth he could accept, a truth he could forget, even if only for a short while as Gabriel bit at his mouth.**

Because it wasn’t just him, Gabriel was straining as hard as he was, just as frantic as his hands roamed down Alec’s back. Too frantic for the awkward side-to-side position they were in. In the blink of an eye, Alec found himself clutching at him as Gabriel insistence finally sent him sprawling back onto the duvet. He anticipated the weight of Gabriel’s body on his, but the other alpha had frozen in place, holding himself up and staring down at Alec in obvious alarm.

Alec frowned at him. “What?”

“I thought… was that okay?”

“You just startled me.” Alec extended a tentative hand and pulled at his shirt, gently enough it was a request. He wanted Gabriel to kiss him again. He needed the rush of quiet peace, the absolute certainty that Gabriel’s touch brought him.

Gabriel leaned in and kissed Alec again, softer this time and oddly tentative until Alec pulled on his hair and lifted his knee, cradling Gabriel’s side and opening himself up. Gabriel groaned and pressed him down, making it hard to breathe. And he didn’t care, he’d been starved of this for too long already. He tugged at Gabriel’s shirt, wanting skin, but instead Gabriel took hold of his wrists and pushed them against the bedding, making him arch at the sensation. Except something about it stopped Gabriel himself in his tracks.

After a moment of stillness, Alec opened his eyes to find him poised over him as if waiting for permission.

Alec frowned at him. “What…?”

Gabriel exhaled, then rolled off him and lay down on the bed at his side—leaving him cold and utterly conscious of his stiff cock and nipples. Alec sat up. He bent is knee and turned his face, trying to cover up somehow, even though Gabriel had to have felt it and he’d be able to smell how desperate for him Alec was. And he obviously didn’t feel the same, if he’d stopped. Alec couldn’t concentrate enough to decipher the mixture of his own arousal and their intermingled natural scents. He thought he’d felt Gabriel’s cock hardening against his side, but maybe Gabriel could smell that Alec was an alpha now and he couldn’t look past that.

“You remember that day in my studio?” Gabriel asked. He sounded as stiff as he looked, tense and uncomfortable. It was like all the weight he’d lifted off Alec’s shoulders earlier had returned, heavier still for the little reprieve.

The question was so unexpected that it took him a moment to understand what Gabriel was talking about. Not that he’d forgotten, not that he would ever forget. It was both one of the most terrifying and hottest moments of his life.

He was just not sure he was any more able to have this conversation now that he had been three years ago. The other alpha didn’t seem willing to continue without confirmation, so Alec gave it to him. “Yes.”

“I don't want to make the same mistake again,” Gabriel explained, gaze still stuck to the ceiling.

Alec doubted himself for a moment, but in this case, he could trust his memory. Gabriel had apologized too profusely and sincerely for getting rough during that blowjob for him to mean anything else.

“You won't,” he said. It rang true between them, but he knew he hadn't offered any evidence. He didn't think _Gabriel_ was sure.

“It doesn't have to be the way it was,” Gabriel continued, still not looking at him. Alec bit his lip to keep himself from objecting. Gabriel went on, “I don't expect it to. Things have changed.”

“Have you changed?” Alec asked. He didn’t quite dare talk about himself, not when Gabriel seemed almost embarrassed about the whole thing.

Gabriel sat up, but he also shifted away, as if he didn’t want to be close to Alec as they spoke. “I hope I have,” he said softly.

“Ok, and it’s been three years—”

“No.” The word was not said loudly but there was weight behind it.

Alec didn’t ask, not sure if he was allowed. “No?” he prompted when he couldn’t stand the silence anymore.

“It’s not… what I did to you was awful,” Gabriel explained. “But after we talked, I let it go. I did my homework, prepared to make it up to you. And I thought… I had changed. But with Ray…” He stopped and glanced at Alec. “I don’t know if I should tell you this,” he admitted.

“You don’t have to, but if it’s about what Ray needs…” He swallowed. “Just think about it: if you did something… something he didn’t like, I’m sure I’ve done worse.”

Gabriel shook his head, sighing. “No, you haven’t. You always assume the worst about yourself, but this is on me. I assumed he’d want to be dominated, because he’s an omega…” He turned away. It didn’t matter, Alec didn’t need to see his face to hear the pain in his voice. “I thought he would enjoy it, and he had no choice.”

He wanted to say something comforting, to offer some attenuating factor, but Gabriel _should_ have known that an omega would adapt to whatever an alpha asked of him. He thought of Ray lying passively under him, letting him arrange his limbs for his convenience so they could fuck and Alec could go away. It’d been the closest to what he’d imagined being an alpha would be like when a female omega had set him off. The mechanical nature of it, the intense desire not to hurt Ray even as he was fully conscious that if he didn’t have sex with him under controlled circumstances, he’d be forced to do it anyway. Sometimes it’d been too much: having to fuck Ray when he could agree to it, just so he wouldn’t rape him.

They had all offered to leave, and Ray had asked them to stay. But just because everybody had said yes, it hadn’t made it right. Not for Ray, and not for Alec. But it had been the best they could get.

“What happened?” he asked Gabriel, not because he needed to know, but because the other alpha clearly needed to talk about it.

“He told me.”

“To stop?”

Gabriel gave a jerky nod, body still held carefully apart from Alec’s.

“And you did,” Alec said, no trace of doubt in his voice. Maybe he couldn’t stop doubting himself, but he couldn’t stop believing in Gabriel either. He was a good person, however many times he fucked up wouldn’t change that.

But it surprised Gabriel, enough that he glanced up from his lap. Alec held his gaze, trying to show him that he understood, that he knew Gabriel had tried his best. Gabriel looked away again. “He wanted me to ask. So I asked, but I didn’t know that till later, so the whole time he was pregnant…” He exhaled shakily, like the memory was too painful to name. “How am I different from—?”

“Don’t!” Alec cut him off at once. He jumped to his feet and took hold of Gabriel’s shoulders. Gabriel met his eyes more out of shock than indignation. “Don’t even _think_ about it. You are nothing like _him._ If you are, so am I, and Sergi and Iesu, and even Josh.”

“You are not,” Gabriel agreed quietly. As per usual, he was willing to admit Alec was human—capable of mistakes and deserving of forgiveness—but he still expected more of himself. “But I think to Ray, it felt that way sometimes.”

Alec exhaled, he knew it had. It had felt that way _to him_. It’d been nothing like Gabriel being rough with him, that mix of thrill and arousal. When he’d fucked Ray quick and dirty in the dark, he’d felt like he was doing what had to be done, a physical task to be accomplished. He hadn’t felt desire, or love. If he’d allowed himself to remember he cared about Ray, he wouldn’t have been able to go through with it.

But it hadn’t been that way during the full moon. It had been real to Alec then. And he’d thought it’d been real to Ray, at least until he’d seen him retreat further and further into himself into what could be nothing but depression. And apparently it’d taken Gabriel a lot longer to see through the physical reactions an alpha’s touch could bring out of Ray and understand their mate didn’t really want to submit.

It’d been hard enough for Alec to forgive himself that one time; Gabriel was carrying a much heavier weight. He squeezed the alpha’s shoulders, making himself meet his eyes.

“He said yes, he asked us,” he reminded Gabriel. “I know he didn’t want to be an omega, but that isn’t on you, or me, or him. He had to do it and we offered to help. That’s what happened. We tried to take it easy for him, not ask too much. And it was too much anyway.”

“And I didn’t fucking see it,” Gabriel bit out, so angry it hurt to hear. He was angry at himself. Maybe even…

“No, you didn’t, and he didn’t tell you. And _I_ didn’t tell you.”

“It wasn’t your job to tell me! I’m the one—!”

Alec shook him again. “It was my job, I’m his alpha too. And it was Ray’s job to ask. But we couldn’t, just as you couldn’t see. _We_ fucked up. But we didn’t force him. Not any more than he forced us.”

Gabriel didn’t argue, just watched him. He was breathing a little heavily and still leaning over Gabriel a little. “You have changed,” Gabriel said wonderingly.

Alec looked down at his hands, realised Gabriel had let him manhandle him without objecting. He remembered the way the alpha had pushed him in the alley when he’d dared get handsy on their first meeting. He slowly took his hands away and stood in front of the other alpha. “So have you.”

Gabriel swallowed. “You didn’t tell me to stop,” he said after a moment. He remained sat on the bed, letting Alec keep the height advantage.

“I don’t want you to stop.” The words were out before he could think better of it. He almost missed the way Gabriel’s breath hitched amidst his own heart clamouring for attention.

Gabriel bent his elbows, curling forward towards his own lap, hands clutching at the bedding under his thighs. “Then you have to tell me what you want. Now. I don’t… I can’t find out in a couple months, or tomorrow. I need… I need to be better than that.”

“I thought we talked about this already,” Alec heard himself say. He wasn’t sure what was happening. “You asked me if you should write... The contract. And I said yes.”

“I wrote it,” Gabriel said after a moment's pause. “But you…” Alec repressed a flinch. He knew what had happened right after Gabriel had drawn the contract: Alec had presented and stopped talking to him. “You never read it,” Gabriel finished.

Alec exhaled, almost a laugh. He’d lamented that for so long. “I know, believe me. I couldn’t stop thinking about it for—”

“But you presented,” Gabriel said, resignedly.

“Yes, and then I couldn’t talk to you.” He glanced aside, took a shuffling step back—as if Gabriel would forget what he’d done if he wasn’t close. Forget what he was. “I thought you wouldn’t want to talk to me. Once you knew.”

“I texted you.” Gabriel sounded almost annoyed.

Alec shrugged. “I thought maybe you didn’t know yet.”

“Oh, Alec, I made myself wait for a week. I _wanted_ you to know that I knew. But I didn’t want to insult you. I thought—”

“Stop!” Alec interrupted him. If he started thinking about what he could have done better, he’d never be able to stop. “I don’t… I don’t get it. You knew?”

“Yes,” Gabriel said softly.

“But… You want… wanted to…”

Gabriel took a moment to answer. “I wanted you to read the contract,” he settled for.

“But why?” he asked. “I mean…” He gestured at Gabriel’s body, graceful even in his hunched up over posture. “You were out and proud and I was just a guy you met at a club…”

Gabriel sprang to his feet so suddenly, Alec almost stumbled back. But Gabriel didn’t stop, taking hold of his forearm in an unforgiving grip. “ _Just a guy_?” he repeated. “Alec, I found you that night and I just couldn’t let you go. Do you think I enjoy driving two hours into the city almost every weekend?”

Alec swallowed, suddenly uncertain. He’d treasured Gabriel’s attention, but he hadn’t counted on it. He hadn’t ever let himself believe he could. “But you always went clubbing, it was your club…”

Gabriel shook his head, still not letting go. “I didn’t. Not after… there was no point.”

“Because they were human…” Alec guessed.

Gabriel’s grip tightened. “No! It wasn’t... Look, I’m not going to pretend I knew anything about this back then. But I figured it out: I liked, no, I fucking loved what we did together in bed. I’ve never... It’s never been like that with anyone else.”

Alec stared up at him, feeling simultaneously the happiest he could remember and utterly terrified. He wanted to ask Gabriel to say it again. To kiss him again. To stop speaking now and get back to what worked so well between them. To the part Alec couldn’t fuck up. But it was too late to hide. “Are you saying… you didn’t want to stop?”

“No,” the other alpha said slowly, watching him so closely Alec felt his face heat up. “I didn’t want to stop.”

“Gabriel…”

“I _don’t_ want to stop.” He purposely loosened his hold on Alec’s arm, but didn’t let go yet. “Do you?”

The air felt almost sharp going into his lungs and his eyes were watering a little from not blinking. He shook his head, lowering his gaze. “Green,” he offered when he managed to draw enough air to speak. He knew it was nonsensical but unable to explain in any other way.

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught the way Gabriel’s expression flickered for just a moment before understanding settled. It was true: he’d done his homework. He’d recognized the stoplight system, he understood “green” was for “go”.

He’d said he didn’t want to stop, but not stopping could mean a lot of things. Maybe it didn’t mean this to Gabriel, no matter how naturally domination came to him, maybe he couldn’t do it to another alpha. But if he couldn't...

He’d have to say it. Alec had asked and it was up to him to agree. It was the truth, what he wanted, maybe even what he needed. Even if Gabriel didn't believe it anymore, _Alec_ did. It was a relief so immense to know that, to have a fixed point on the universe he could rely on that didn't depend on anyone else… He wanted Gabriel in all the wrong ways for an alpha and he wouldn’t stop, even if Gabriel didn’t want him back.

He raised his heat and met Gabriel's eyes. He could take it. If this couldn't happen, if Gabriel thought what Alec wanted was wrong...

But Gabriel was already nodding. His eyes soft, there was a wonder there that felt almost magical. Alec didn't know if it hadn't been there before, or he just hadn't been able to see. “You still want it?”

Alec nodded back, pulse hammering too hard in his throat for him to speak.

“Fuck,” Gabriel said succinctly. He leaned in and took Alec’s mouth hard, more teeth than lips, pressing himself right against Alec—all hard muscle and desperation— and Alec pushed back just as hard. Asking for more. With no words, because he didn’t have words. There weren’t words for this. Only sensation. But Gabriel understood because a moment later he found himself being turned around and shoved down onto his own bed, the other alpha climbing over him before he had time to draw breath. It was like something had snapped in Gabriel, he took hold of Alec’s wandering hands and slammed them down by the wrists, grinding his erection down into Alec’s belly and drinking every sound from his mouth like he could not bear to hear what he was doing to him.

Alec went limp under him, eyes fluttering closed as his body surrendered to Gabriel’s will. His wolf, if it cared, gave no sign of it. Gabriel kissed his neck, murmuring his name like a prayer.

No, not only his name. “We need to talk,” Gabriel said into his ear, then sucked on it, hands letting go of Alec's wrists to travel up and down his chest, twisting his nipples one moment, pushing his zipper down the next. It didn't matter if he was being held down: Alec didn't move, movement had ceased to be a possibility when Gabriel had indicated he wanted Alec to stay still. Gabriel took his mouth again, wet and deeper this time, like he wanted to devour him. Like he could never have enough of him. Alec didn’t think enough of this was possible.

“Alec,” Gabriel said again, breathing hard and sounding as lost as he’d ever heard him. “I don't want... I can't...”

Alec blinked his eyes open. He didn’t think he could take it if Gabriel stopped again. He met Gabriel’s eyes straight on and repeated, almost forcefully, “ _Green_.”

Gabriel reacted like he’d been slapped, even swaying a little atop him, and then exhaled and nodded, moving back to get to Alec’s zipper. He didn’t waste time with more questions, just slapped Alec’s hip to get him to lift up so he could pull it all down. Alec complied, no needing to think.

He was flushed and Alec could smell his arousal now, but he didn’t look away from Alec as he insisted, “Say the colours for me.”

If his mind had been any clearer, Alec would have complained, but he was already getting hazy, so he simply obeyed. It didn’t matter if the orders made sense, as long as it was what Gabriel wanted. “Green. Yellow. Red.”

“Good,” the alpha said, and Alec shuddered under his weight, getting so much harder so fast he had to clench his eyes shut. Gabriel leaned in and bit on his earlobe, rubbing his hard cock against Alec’s exposed belly. “Tell me.”

“Green,” Alec dutifully repeated.

Gabriel lifted his knees and gave a last tug, discarding the tangled mess of clothes on the floor. Alec’s legs were still half hanging off the edge, but he’d gladly stay there, legs parted, obscenely exposed, if it was what Gabriel wanted.

“Look at me,” Gabriel commanded and Alec’s eyes opened as if compelled. It didn’t work like that, of course, not even First Alphas could command other alphas with their will. This was just them.

Gabriel was staring at Alec like he was spellbound and Alec just stared right back at him. He couldn’t even feel embarrassed, he was already too deep into the relaxed mood he fell into when they were together. It was like his body had recognized what this was at once and reacted appropriately. Almost like an instinct. Almost like a reflex, so natural to him that he didn’t need to think about it at all. There was nothing else in the world like this: something that needed no questions and no answer. It was just true. It was just him.

“Take your shirt off.”

It was harder than it should have been to get his elbows under him and sit up enough to manage, but he did it. He collapsed back, cock bouncing slightly against his thigh, and saw Gabriel’s eyes track the movement. He took a single step back and lifted Alec by the thighs, bending him in half even as he knelt between his knees. He didn’t pause or ask, just kissed one of Alec’s balls before sucking it into his mouth. The sensation was indescribable, both ecstatic and terrifying. His inner wolf didn’t react, except to demand he get off immediately, which Alec would have gladly contributed to, if he’d been capable of convincing his limbs to follow his commands. Alec knew he was making noise, but Gabriel paid him no mind, releasing one ball to play with the other, then hooking Alec’s knees over his shoulders and tugging at his arse to open him to his tongue. The first touch of his lips between Alec’s arse cheeks almost sent him arching right off the bed. Except Gabriel’s hands tightened on him, painful irresistible grips keeping him in place as Gabriel shoved his tongue against Alec’s hole with no fear or reluctance. He did it again and Alec had to bring his own forearm to his mouth to keep from screaming. His cock jerked, brushing against the soft and prickly skin of Gabriel’s face, and Alec felt a sob ripping from his throat.

“Please…” he begged. He hadn’t meant to but once it was out, he couldn’t stop. “Please, I need…”

He didn’t realise he’d reached out until Gabriel took hold of his hand and pushed it down again. “No. You are not ready yet.”

Alec dug his fingers into the bedding, not caring if his nails were too long and it ripped. But he could hear Gabriel was serious. And as the alpha bent back down between his legs and licked a long line along his perineum, the words finally seemed to coalesce into something that made sense. He wasn’t _ready_. Gabriel was preparing him. He knew for what at once, of course. They’d been playing this game too long.

He’d been waiting too long. Gabriel’s tongue pushed against his hole, slick and strong, demanding that he open up to it, and Alec shook under him like he’d been electrocuted, pinned down by Gabriel’s orders and Gabriel’s hands on his thighs. And Gabriel still didn’t stop, pushing in again, fingers digging into his buttocks to keep him open and exposed as his tongue stabbed inside—foreign and new and not _enough_.

“ _Please_.”

The word scraped past his throat, too loud in between his panted breaths, and all it did was get Gabriel to stop. He almost sobbed when he felt the alpha retreat, but he couldn’t do anything but say it again. He couldn’t explain he hadn’t meant it like that. He hadn’t said the word ‘red’, not even ‘yellow’ and he couldn’t understand why Gabriel would stop.

Except Gabriel didn’t need a reason to stop; he could do whatever he damn pleased. It felt almost impossible but he forced himself to stay still even as the alpha let go of his legs and stood up in front of him, watching his naked body trembling on the bed, on the edge of everything, nothing. And then he pulled his own shirt over his head, giving Alec a prime view of the expanse of his torso—long tanned abs, pink nipples hard. He met Alec’s eyes when he emerged and smiled, almost coy, except there was nothing even remotely shy about the way he thumbed open the button of his jeans and slid his underwear down until his erection sprang free.

Alec could see his own erection out of the corner of his eye. But he couldn’t look away from Gabriel’s cock, red and hard and too large. It was like he could already feel it. He remembered the weight of it in his mouth, and he could imagine… He had his hands clenched hard enough to cut his palms to stay still and he could feel his face burn. But he couldn’t quite look away from the golden figure looming over him: indescribably beautiful and still there. A part of him wanted to touch Gabriel, but another part was afraid to because it didn’t seem real. What if he stretched his hands and found nothing…?

He couldn’t explain it. He couldn’t imagine what Gabriel saw when he looked at him. Finally, Gabriel stepped closer and slapped his side. “Scout back.”

Alec crawled back, awkward and desperate and so turned on he couldn’t quite focus his eyes. Gabriel climbed on the bed and sat on his thighs, taking hold of his cock so suddenly Alec almost finished. But Gabriel knew him too well and the grip soon went from relief to almost pain. He let his head fall back, panting with need but too out of breath to beg just yet.

Alec didn’t quite have time to process it before Gabriel loosened his hold enough to stroke him hard. Once, twice, and even though it was a little too dry, when the words came, there was nothing that could hold Alec back. “Come now.”

It was simple, as if his body had been primed for it, Alec obeyed and it was only Gabriel’s hand over his mouth that muffled his scream as his orgasm ripped through him like lightning. Gabriel removed his hand and cupped Alec’s cheek. He was still too far away, but his voice was gentle now even as his hand spread Alec’s release over his oversensitive dick, milking him until he whimpered for mercy. “Shh… Good, you did very well.”

Alec blinked sleepily at him, not quite understanding. This was nothing like their time in the studio, when Gabriel had lost control so completely and fucked his mouth. But just like that night, Gabriel wasn’t stopping to ask questions once they’d got started.

Alec could speak. But that would mean stopping, and he’d just come his brains out, it wouldn’t be fair to stop before Gabriel got his turn. Gabriel pressed his body against Alec’s, skin burning like he had a fever and muscles tense with barely banked strength, but he just placed a kiss—almost chaste—on the corner of Alec’s mouth, before pulling back again.

“Turn over.”

And it was like he’d forgotten to think because he just did it. He was on his front, trembling a little at the sensation of the duvet on his sensitive dick, before he even thought to wonder why. Gabriel already astride his buttocks, hot skin making him shudder as the alpha pressed his erection against Alec’s ball sack. Gabriel did it again. “Goddess, you are…” **He stopped and with obvious effort asked, “Colour.”**

**The question surprised him enough to give him pause. He swallowed against his dry mouth—he’d been panting non-stop for what seemed like a small eternity—and croaked out, “Green.”**

**Gabriel almost sagged against him, then placed a kiss on the back of his neck.**

Alec didn’t know what he was talking about until Gabriel ran his hand from inner knee up to the curve of his left arse cheek, squeezing like he enjoyed the weight of it, and he found himself pushing down. He was hard again. And Gabriel couldn’t see it, but he could _smell it_.

The shock of it made him cry out, and Gabriel leaned in, covering him with his body and pinning him to the bed with his weight. Something in Alec’s chest loosened as the alpha rubbed himself against his thigh again. He was way too big for Alec to budge. He didn’t struggle. He was so hard it hurt but unable to move. He let his eyes fall closed, let Gabriel set the pace, the rules, the boundaries. He’d chosen the words to stop him, but deep down…

His left hand got pulled over his head, then the right one, fast enough to pull on his shoulders. But the twinge of pain disappeared almost at once as one of Gabriel’s huge hands closed over both his wrists, not circling them but pushing them down on the bedding to keep him still. Not that he could have moved with Gabriel’s full weight on him, but the pressure still made his head spin. He wanted…

Gabriel’s naked erection pressed against his lower back and he couldn’t help himself, he buckled hard under the alpha. But he’d been right, his efforts didn’t do much. Gabriel moaned on top of him, obviously enjoying the skin on skin contact. Alec panted harshly against the bedding, half words leaving his lips. He didn’t know what he wanted, or what he was afraid of. Gabriel stilled, giving him the time to object, but he didn’t know what to object _to_. He was hot and sweaty already, dick leaking all over the duvet because they hadn’t even opened the bed. And all he could feel was Gabriel on him, holding him in place, keeping him pinned, trapped. _Whole._

And tearing him to pieces as well. He felt Gabriel’s knees on his sides, soft hair and hard muscle, and then his hand slipped between Alec’s arse cheeks. It was wet. For a moment, his brain tried to understand how Gabriel’s spit hadn’t dried, and then, as Gabriel’s fingers lodged in the tight space where he’d once let him shove him cock, he understood. It wasn’t saliva, it was come. Alec’s come. He rubbed Alec’s hole, making him shiver and arch as his nerves lit up all at once—Alec pushed closer and then away. Gabriel leaned closer still, licked at the skin of Alec’s shoulder blades, then bit gently there. The next time he bit too hard, but Alec barely noticed. Gabriel was pushing the tip of a finger into him and it went in easily aided by Alec’s own seed. It was almost like he was _wet_.

He whimpered, trapped hips trying to hitch under his lover, fingers twitching in Gabriel’s grasp. Gabriel paused. Alec gritted his teeth against the foreign sensation, even as his hole fluttered around Gabriel’s finger. He remembered this from that time, and from every time afterwards when he’d closed his eyes and pretended it wasn’t his own hand.

Gabriel waited, letting the silence hold, and Alec didn’t break it. “You can take more than this,” the alpha said softly. For all that he was holding Alec still, his words were gentle, his lips soft as they brushed against Alec’s ear. “Just relax for me.”

Alec didn’t respond, but he didn’t need to: Gabriel could see what he needed. The finger withdrew and returned with a second one, also slick. He pushed them deeper into Alec’s hole, slow but implacable, until Alec had to fight him enough to spread his legs. Gabriel allowed it, putting a knee between his legs instead as his fingers were suddenly swallowed by Alec’s body. He must have thought it was too easy because there was no warning before he added another digit. Alec tensed under him, squirming at the fullness. Almost too much, almost… enough.

He only noticed the hold on his hands was gone when Gabriel’s clean hand pushed his bottom down and rubbed comfortingly even as he stretched his fingers inside him, making room for…

“Push back,” the alpha ordered and he did, not realising there was a fourth finger at his entrance. And that hurt, the thick bundle of Gabriel’s big fingers shoving into him even as he opened himself up to it with his own movements. He cried out in shock, too stunned for a second to react. And then Gabriel was kissing an apology on the side of his neck. “Sorry, sorry, too fast… I’ll… Just relax for me. Breathe in deep and let it go.”

It shouldn’t have worked, but of course it did. Something in his brain reacted to Gabriel’s voice that shouldn’t have. He was an alpha, he was not meant to obey. And yet, his body went lax around Gabriel’s fingers, his shoulders expanded as he inhaled and exhaled. He let Gabriel move inside him, crooking his fingers until he hit his prostate and made Alec buckle hard enough Gabriel fell forward onto his other hand. His fingers twitched inside Alec and the zing of pleasure should have woken him up, but he was calm instead—his balls were full again, his cock rock hard, but his mind was silent.

No, not silent, because he could hear something. The steady beat of Gabriel’s heart—too fast by far but steady—was the only sound in the universe. The heat of his body the only temperature. His scent, heady and primal and _his,_ the only thing his wolf cared about. Alec’s eyes were closed, but he didn’t need to look—he could _feel_. Not just Gabriel’s weight and shape and the soft and prickly parts of him, he could have sworn he could feel something deeper still…

And then he felt the slight ache in his lower half dissipate as the fingers retreated. He lay there, too cold without Gabriel’s weight, and listened to the sounds of his lover rummaging in his bedside table drawer—he still kept the lube in the same place he had in his student flat. And then the weight was back, heavy and hot. It should have been overwhelming, smothering Alec’s smaller frame… But it felt right, an anchor keeping him in place, safe from the storm within. Gabriel fit himself to Alec’s back at once, like he didn’t need to try to find the right position, he could simply let their bodies join. Gabriel’s cock was a burning pressure, silky and slick already, against Alec’s delicate opening. And then, so slowly it almost didn’t seem real, Gabriel started entering him.

In his mind, Alec knew what he was doing was against everything he was meant to want, but his mind wasn’t quite in the room. He was just a body, with its needs and idiosyncrasies and what he needed was the thick, slick, hardness being pushed into him slow and steady—until he finally felt full and then a little more, and a little more. He shifted his hips, feeling Gabriel’s cock press against his inner walls. He’d never done this before, never even tried more than a single finger, and it was too much. He couldn’t…

Gabriel pressed a kissed to his ear. “Alec,” he said, almost begging. “Alec, come on.”

For a moment, he thought it was just a request that he take it and that he’d have to admit that he couldn’t, but then he felt Gabriel’s nails dig briefly into his hips, trying to pull him up. Getting his knees under him seemed like a titanic effort, but he managed and then Gabriel’s arm locked around his waist, an iron hold keeping him upright. Something about the position helped because by the time Alec put his palms down on the bed, Gabriel’s hipbones were flush with his buttocks and he was fully seated on Gabriel’s dick.

It throbbed inside him, too large to fit and still fitting, and Alec breathed out, struggling to relax enough to take it. He couldn’t keep from clenching around the full length and shivering hard enough he couldn’t have stayed upright without help. Gabriel made a low, pained noise in his ear, hips twitching reflexively and sending a rush of pleasure right through Alec. “Are you…” he started but seemed to choke on his own words. “Are you okay?” he asked, then, almost as an afterthought. “Colour?”

Alec swallowed and tried to concentrate. It was difficult, but it was also good. He wanted Gabriel to thrust again, he wanted to know what it’d feel like to have him do it more than once… He wanted…

“Alec,” he repeated, firmer this time. “Tell me a colour or I’m pulling out.”

This was a real question, an important question. It wasn’t a game, it wasn’t… But he didn’t need to be told that, not when Gabriel was fully buried in his arse, holding him up but sounding like he could barely string words together. He clenched again, asking for more. Gabriel shuddered, but didn’t move.

“Yellow,” he managed, then let his head hang forward. “I need…” He exhaled, unable to find either the words or the oxygen.

“Okay.” Gabriel’s embrace tightened. “I’m going to touch you now,” he warned and slid one of his hands down Alec’s abs towards his cock. Alec was almost surprised to feel him grasp his erection—not because the discomfort had been that great, but because his body seemed to have been reduced to the points where Gabriel was touching him. His dick surged up as his lover cradled it and started stroking. He shuddered in Gabriel’s hold—his mind was blank, his blood thrumming with need and every caress made him push and clench at once. “Yeah, come on, does that feel good?” Gabriel murmured, voice rough and desperate. “Is… Is that better?”

Alec tried to nod, but Gabriel made a pained noise and actually stopped moving his hand. “Colour,” he said once again.

Alec would have snapped at him, but he could barely get a whisper out. “Green.”

That seemed to break Gabriel’s iron control because his hips stuttered, sending a wave of pleasure through Alec’s frazzled nerves that had him clenching his eyes shut.

“Oh, goddess, thank you,” the alpha said, kissing his neck, his cheek, and letting go of his cock to hold him so close his ribs ached. He pulled back and slowly withdrew from Alec’s arse. He was shaking behind Alec, but he didn’t rush. He pushed his way back into him slow and steady, careful despite the fact that he couldn’t really hurt him. “I’ve wanted this for so long…” he confessed into Alec’s shoulder, panting wetly into his skin.

He was all the way in again, filling Alec up until it felt like he couldn’t possibly take it and then he twisted his hips and the head of his cock pressed against his prostate and he could. He could take it, and more. He _wanted_ to take it, and if he’d had breath for words, he’d have said so, but all he could manage were half cut whimpers and gasps. Gabriel was listening for it, shifting his thrusts slightly and waiting for his reaction, then trying again. And then he found it. He pushed in a little faster this time and pulled back just as fast, a jab more than a thrust and Alec screamed as the pleasure shot through him. One of his knees buckled and Gabriel had to throw himself back to keep him on his knees. And then he did it again and it was like the lights went out in Alec’s brain; it was too much to take, too much to process. And when Gabriel slid his hand between his legs and took hold of his dick, just that, no time to stroke and it was truly all over.

His orgasm swept through him, a crash that left him deaf and blind, taking the world away for long uncountable moments, but it didn’t end there. He clenched around Gabriel’s cock inside him, locked in place by the grip of his body, and that sent him careening off another cliff altogether, hard enough he simply collapsed. Body singing, mind lulled. He could feel Gabriel’s thrusts speed up as the alpha fucked him harder through his own climax. He could feel the seed leaking from him with the movement—an alpha’s body produced enough for an omega and there was simply nowhere in Alec’s body for it to go.

Gabriel managed to somehow slow their collapse on their sides. He kept Alec close enough to keep his cock from slipping out just yet, but neither of them could manage more than that before sleep took them.

 

&

 

He woke up because someone was touching him. No, not touching him. _Cleaning him_. He recoiled from the touch at once and met Gabriel’s startled gaze across his own bed. The other alpha hesitated, then offered Alec the warm towel he’d been using. “You don’t want it to dry on you,” he offered.

It was hardly the first time he woke up naked with Gabriel Gosden in his bed, but it was the first time he had his drying come in his arse. He had to look away, breathing too fast and feeling a little faint.

Gabriel’s hand shot out to take hold of his wrist, pressing hard enough to ache. “Don’t,” he ordered. “We had a good time. Don’t freak out on me, Alexander.”

He didn’t know what startled him more—the touch or the name, but it derailed his thoughts. “You know my name?”

Gabriel snorted, face relaxing. “Of course I know your name. You think I came back here after being with you and didn’t ask everyone I could where the Aiken kid had gone?”

Alec stared at him. “Everyone?” he repeated. He’d known Gabriel was out of the closet for a while, and Alec had only told him that he himself wasn’t open about his sexuality when they’d met in pack territory for the first time, but surely…

“Don’t look like that, people aren’t that clever. Everybody knows I’m a gossip, I can just ask about random people and they’ll tell me. Plus everyone seemed convinced you were barely old enough to drink even though they knew you were at uni.”

Alec nodded. “People do that; they think I’m younger.”

Gabriel slid closer, but he didn’t try to touch Alec any more, just sat with his back to the headboard next to him and held on to Alec’s wrist. “Was it okay?” he asked softly.

He’d just insisted it had been, but now he was really asking. Gabriel just been trying to reassure him, Alec realised. He wasn’t always certain; he just pretended because it was what other people needed of him. Alec wanted him to be certain of this much, at least, so he stretched his fingers and twisted his hand around until Gabriel’s palm was pressing against his pulse point instead. Gabriel got it at once, sliding his fingers down and letting Alec push their palms together and intertwine their fingers. His hand was hot and Alec’s hand was sweaty, and he still didn’t let go.

“It was…” Alec tried, but the words wouldn’t quite come together. “Yes.”

Gabriel exhaled, not trying to disguise his relief at all. He squeezed Alec’s hand in his. “Are you going to be okay with them knowing?”

“The pack?” Alec asked. A part of him couldn’t stop thinking about Gabriel asking questions about him. It’d been three years and nobody had said anything, but Alec couldn’t know what they thought of him…

“ _Our_ pack,” Gabriel corrected firmly. His posture stayed relaxed, his thumb distractedly rubbing against Alec’s wrist now. Alec could almost feel him holding back from pushing closer. He appreciated the space, though, when they were already talking about something so raw.

“Yes,” he said, surprising himself with the truth.

Gabriel turned his head his way, pulse stuttering a bit. “Yes?” he echoed, blue eyes wide.

Alec met his eyes and nodded. “Iesu and Sergi… I mean, nobody minds.”

Gabriel’s smile was almost blinding—his teeth gleamed, too sharp, and his eyes were bright enough to dazzle. Alec couldn’t quite believe it was for him. For _this_. But as if he could read the doubt on his face, Gabriel pulled on their hands until Alec turned his body and then they were kissing: desperate and sweet in equal measure. Alec could feel himself getting hard again, and Gabriel wasn’t far behind—but there was no urgency to it now. There was no rush because there was no ending in sight.

When the other alpha pushed at his chest to get him to stop, he still hadn’t had enough. And then he realised his phone alarm was blaring. It was morning and he’d set it up early enough to make his family breakfast.

“I think we have some responsibilities,” Gabriel pointed out. His arm was around Alec’s waist and Alec was more than half on his lap, but he was right.

And then the doubt surged in Alec’s mind, making his pulse race. “You didn’t… was it okay for you?” he asked, eyes glued to his own bicep to avoid both Gabriel’s face and their own aroused bodies. He was losing his erection fast.

Gabriel sighed, then tugged at him till he was close enough to kiss his ear, then his neck. “It was even better than I remembered,” he said softly. It didn’t sound like a compliment, it sounded like a confession.

And it was true: his heart couldn’t lie.

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

#  Epilogue

Ray hadn’t come out for breakfast. Josh, when he did show up, looked like he hadn’t slept at all—Alec didn’t remember ever seeing a werewolf with dark circles under their eyes before.

Gabriel tsked his tongue at him, but didn’t ask any questions. “Have some food, you look like death warmed up.”

Josh accepted the plate Alec made up for him but didn’t move until he was given a strong cup of builder’s tea. Alec tried not to hover as he ate; even though he couldn’t stop thinking about what Ray must look like if Josh was like this.

He loved Ray, but since the beginning it’d been obvious to all involved that Josh _was in love with him_. Alec hadn’t known them before and didn’t feel particularly well qualified to guess at other people’s feelings and relationships, but he strongly suspected it wasn’t a recent development. He knew his own feelings hadn’t changed when he’d presented, and apparently it hadn’t affected Gabriel’s significantly either. It probably couldn’t change whatever Ray and Josh felt for each other. Whatever that was.

He remembered how awful it’d felt to him to realise what was happening to his omega and he couldn’t understand how Josh could feel any worse and still be alive. Worse yet, Josh had entrusted Ray’s health to Alec months ago, but everyone knew it was Josh who took care of Ray’s sanity. Alec’s failure meant Josh’s own responsibility towards their mate was practically impossible to fulfil. No wonder he looked like crap.

And then, as if he’d just needed to add a cup of coffee, the previous night’s conversation came back to him. Only now Alec realised the obvious conclusion he’d failed to draw: if being pregnant by another alpha meant even his own mates didn’t need to sleep with an omega, then if Ray conceived with just one of them, he wouldn’t need to submit to the rest for the duration of that pregnancy.

He glanced at Gabriel, suddenly desperate to tell someone, but Josh was hardly in any state to hear this, and if Alec was wrong…

He made himself turn to the sink and start washing up, even though he’d cooked. Nobody stopped him, maybe they could hear how fast his heart was going and figured he needed the reassurance of routine. Even when they’d been complete strangers, none of them had ever asked him any awkward questions about it—Alec was too smart to imagine they’d missed his anxiety in the midst of five strangers and the man who’d once been his lover—and for the first time it occurred to him to wonder why. It wasn’t unprecedented to have other wolves ignore his condition—his parents had taken to doing it when he’d been still fairly young—but in his experience, in any group, one or two people tended to express concern. And now, not even Marisa or Irina had mentioned it… He put down a wet glass on the drainer to glance back at Gabriel. _Had he told them?_

Gabriel looked up, sensing his gaze, and Alec’s heart took it up another notch. Gabriel raised his chin in a silent question. For a moment, the question was on the tip of his tongue, but then Josh pushed his chair back and Alec crashed back to Earth. _Ray._

“Could you make up a plate for Ray?” he asked Gabriel. His voice didn’t sound too strained, he thought, although Gabriel could clearly tell something was up.

He didn’t question Alec, turning to Josh instead. “Just a sec,” he asked, and started piling up toast, eggs, bacons, skipping the beans and giving Ray an extra portion of tomatoes—because Ray liked them, Alec hoped, and not because he should be eating more vegetables for the baby’s sake. Josh managed a nod in thanks before taking the plate and the cup of tea Sergi had made to Ray’s taste and leaving them alone.

“So?” Iesu looked up from where he and Sergi were speeding through breakfast to get to their early shift at the construction site on time. Gabriel had talked his supervisor into hiring them after they’d proven they could do the basic stuff on the house and the beta wing—he’d also convinced Ray to take over some of the simplest work there. They needed the help and it meant Ray got to do something active without having to leave the babies or pack territory. Josh was also helping, even if he still did some shifts at the gas station; and Alec couldn’t tell if it was the work or the company, but Ray was getting some expression back on his face at long last. Or he had been, before Alec had destroyed all the progress it must have cost him so much to make with his revelation.

Alec hesitated, hopeful but afraid, then looked back at Gabriel. “I need to tell you something. About the research.”

But Iesu wasn’t deterred. “Don’t even think you are not telling us too. Yesterday was a fucking disaster, no way are we doing that again.”

Alec glanced at Gabriel for help, but his lover just shrugged. “Is it bad?”

“No!” Alec said at once, immediately contrite. “No, it’s… It’s good. I think… If I’m right.”

“Please tell us?” Sergi said softly. He’d put down his fork but he hadn’t got up from his seat. He looked calm and his pulse was steady when Alec turned his way.

It was easier to look at him than Iesu, almost ready to crawl out of his own skin, or Gabriel, painfully resigned. “You know how the wolves aren’t interested in sleeping with Ray right now because he’s…” He waved his hand, not wanting to say the word. He couldn’t help but think about the way Ray had flinched. “Well, if the wolves lose interest the moment another alpha mates with him successfully, then we can use it: he doesn’t have to submit to all of us all the time.”

Iesu swallowed, a small sigh escaping his lips. But he didn’t have time to speak before Gabriel was crossing the room and taking Alec by the forearms. “ _Alec_ ,” he said, like it meant something else besides his name. “This…” And then he pulled Alec even closer and hugged him tight enough it’d have hurt, if it hadn’t lit him up inside like he’d swallowed the sun.

He closed his eyes for a moment, enveloped in warmth, knowing he’d done well.

“What about now?” Iesu sounded pained. But it was brave of him to ask, and Gabriel let go of Alec to look back at him.

“What of it?” Gabriel had stepped back, but he was still close enough to feel his warmth. His voice rumbled with warning now, but Alec didn’t understand what Iesu was really asking until he continued.

Iesu’s eyes were fixed on Alec’s. “Can you…? If Ray doesn’t want to have it…”

Alec flinched, but only allowed himself the luxury of looking down for a moment. “I can perform an abortion,” he said factually. Gabriel actually growled at the news, but Alec didn’t let himself react to his anger.

“He’s got a right to choose,” Iesu argued at once, clearly in response to Gabriel’s reaction.

“To choose what?” Gabriel snapped. “This is _his child_. Ray wouldn’t do that, it doesn’t matter who fathered it.”

“Maybe it matters to him,” Iesu responded. “And it matters to me to ask him what he wants,” he added.

He probably didn’t know how efficient an argument that was when it came to Gabriel, but it took everything in Alec not to recoil. When he glanced at Gabriel, he saw he was frozen in place, the lines of his back so tense it looked like he’d shatter at the slightest provocation. He didn’t speak to any of them as he stiffly walked to the kitchen door and let himself out. He closed the door gently behind himself, so painfully in control it made Alec’s breath catch.

Iesu exhaled a little shakily and Sergi got up to stand by his side, placing a comforting hand on his hip and letting his lover press his face against the side of his neck. “Sorry, Alec,” Iesu mumbled.

Alec shook his head, at a loss for words. The idea of hurting Ray, of hurting Ray’s _child…_ It made him sick, but Iesu was right: it was Ray’s choice to make. Gabriel could hate it as much as he wanted, but he clearly understood that too—he’d have never backed down otherwise.

“Could you… I don’t think I can tell him. About the… Well, the way it works. I—” He stuttered and stopped, ashamed of himself. “I don’t think I can talk to him. After yesterday. And maybe… He probably won’t want to see me. But he should know this. It’ll help.”

He’d been so focused on getting the words out that he didn’t notice Sergi stepping closer to him until the other alpha patted his shoulder. He almost jumped out of his own skin in surprise and barely managed not to flinch away too visibly. Sergi took his hand back, eyes wide. “Sorry, I just… Alec, you have tried your best. Don’t beat yourself up about it; there was no way he could take something like this well. It wasn’t your fault.”

“It was my responsibility,” Alec corrected quietly. “That’s what I offered him when I asked to join the pack: my medical expertise. And I couldn’t even…” He stopped, swallowing so he wouldn’t choke.

“Hey,” Sergi insisted. This time he moved his hand slowly enough that Alec saw it coming. He gripped Alec’s shoulder and squeezed. “You are a doctor, not a seer. How could you know?”

“I should have known,” he insisted. “I should have—”

“We shouldn’t have let it happen in the first place,” Iesu said. “We all failed when we didn’t protect him, and that’s not something I’ll forgive myself for any time soon. But… But you have found a solution. Two solutions, really. If Ray wants them.”

“Fuck,” Alec said with feeling. He couldn’t hold back any longer, he covered his face with his right hand, hoping to at least keep the tears at bay. He was too busy feeling like he’d start sobbing and throwing up and have a heart attack all at once to care much when Sergi moved further into his space and gathered him in his arms, holding him close.

“Shhhh,” his fellow alpha told him. “It’ll be fine. I promise. We’ll talk to him about it. You have done enough.”

Alec shook his head, not sure if he was denying his contribution or just falling to pieces. Sergi held him harder. “You _have_ ,” Sergi insisted. “And now we’re taking over.”

 

&

 

He’d gone back to his room after that. Iesu and Sergi had insisted that they’d call in sick to work so they could talk to Josh and Ray. In truth, Alec knew he was still needed, but he needed to be alone too badly to refuse their kindness.

He hadn’t expected to find Gabriel back here, though. The room still smelled of them both: their passion, their trust, the secrets they’d allowed the other to see.

“Are you angry?” He couldn’t hold back the question, even knowing it sounded childish.

Gabriel looked up from his own hands, looking so exhausted it made Alec itch to push him down on the bed and force him to sleep. It wouldn’t help, of course: it wasn’t the sleepless night they’d spent fucking that had left Gabriel looking like that. It seemed to take him a moment too long to process the question. “With you?”

Alec shrugged and his lover sighed, shaking his head and extending a hand to invite him closer. “No, you… you just told them the truth. I know you don’t want to do it.”

He’d already started to step closer but that stopped him cold. “I don’t. But I will do it. If Ray asks me.”

Gabriel flinched, his inviting hand shaking with it, but he just nodded. “It is Ray’s decision,” he choked out. “Can you come here now?”

It wasn’t an order, it was nothing like what they’d done here last night. It was the opposite: a plea. Alec didn’t want to disobey Gabriel’s orders—at least not in private—but he was truly unable ignore his pain. He hurried to the bed and leaned over to put his arms around Gabriel’s neck, pushing his face into the warm space between his neck and shoulder. Gabriel’s arms came around him at once, holding him close enough to make him stumble. Alec gave in and climbed onto his lap, Gabriel’s strong hold helping him settle.

“I don’t want to fuck this up,” the other alpha confessed, holding onto him like he couldn’t let go.

Alec hesitated, knees pressed against the sides of Gabriel’s legs, whole body cradled close in Gabriel’s arms. “Me either,” he admitted.

That made Gabriel snort, a short broken laugh. “Okay, that’s good. Common goals, right?” Alec nodded against his neck and Gabriel rubbed his back, big fingers tracing his spine. “We need to talk about some things… I don’t think we are very good at that, from what happened, and I’m not going to make the same mistake again.”

Alec lifted his head and Gabriel kept him upright as he leaned back to look him in the face. “Are you talking about… the sex?”

“No,” the other alpha said firmly. “The sex was great, and we have the colours. But it’s not just the sex, is it?”

Alec’s heart leapt in alarm and Gabriel’s fingers dug into his back. “No?”

“Not for me,” Gabriel said boldly. “I care about you. I…” His eyes skittered away and Alec saw the effort it took him to bring them back to Alec’s face. “I’m in love with you.”

It was fortunate Gabriel was clutching at his jumper because Alec’s own grip loosened in shock. Gabriel pulled him forward to keep him from slipping off his lap altogether. “Sorry…” Alec concentrated on making his body do the right thing again and straightened. Gabriel opened his own hands at once, letting him go. Before he knew it, he was on his feet again.

The other alpha swallowed, but what shocked Alec even more was to notice that his pulse was racing. _With nerves?_

“I…” Alec tried. “Yes.” Gabriel’s eyes shot up to him. Gabriel, who _loved_ him. He licked his lips, thoughts tangling in his head, not quite able to solidify into whole words for him to share. “Me too,” he added. “I— I want that.”

Gabriel’s smile was blinding and he was on his feet so fast, Alec smelled his familiar scent of jeans and aftershave before he even realised he was being embraced. He pressed his cheek against the open neck of Gabriel’s shirt, shivering with unspent adrenaline, joy racing through his brains like a drug might—dizzying and addictive.

“Good,” Gabriel said, holding him back a little too tightly. “Then nobody else for either of us.” He didn’t mention Ray, but he didn’t need to. If Ray didn’t want to, he wouldn’t need to sleep with either of them ever again, and if he did, they were both more than willing to give him anything he asked for.

“Why… I mean, who else would there be?” Alec asked him, more curious than concerned, tilting his head towards Gabriel’s mouth.

Gabriel hesitated. “You smell like Sergi,” he said at long last.

Alec snorted and started laughing, maybe a little hysterically after the madness of the last twenty-four hours. “Sergi? He gave me a hug after you left! He wouldn’t—”

“Just don’t,” Gabriel growled, and Alec stopped.

When Alec tried to push back in his arms, Gabriel resisted for a moment but then loosened his hold enough for Alec to raise his hands and take hold of his face. “I don’t want anybody else,” Alec said simply. Somehow, it was easy. Gabriel had been brave first; Alec could follow. “Nobody else is… you.”

It was all he needed to say. Gabriel heard the truth like a man given water for his parched throat in a desert, and he reacted with the same relief someone might at being told death was to be kept at bay one more day. He sagged against Alec, certain Alec was strong enough to bear his weight, and Alec kept him upright for those few instants when he couldn’t do it himself.

And then Gabriel straightened once more and their mouths met, no need to talk, lips seeking each other like magnets pulling towards their true north. Alec felt the grip of fear slacken as his alpha’s tightened, and he gave himself up to it: the pleasure, the trust, the truth he’d been so afraid of for so long.

**End of book III**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... what did you think? :p I can't quite believe I managed a HEA of sorts--almost shocking for me!

**Author's Note:**

> This is 13/14 written and I'm editing as I go. All feedback loved!


End file.
